The dusk came through the haze of weary moments
and silently it passed into the night.
With verses of mortality unspoken
he locked the doors and turned out all the lights.
The Sage lurked in the corners of his bedroom,
he felt the cold encase his every thought.
It wasn't that the leaving was his agony
but that the staying wasn't what he sought.
He sailed out on an endless sea of comfort,
too far to see the lighthouse anymore.
The distant hum of voices pushed him farther
until he reached the soft and silver shore.
The dawn came through the mist of gentle rainfall
and swallowed up the night with glistening blue.
A contest entry
- Rhyme - Sonnet, Villanelle, or Pantoum only. by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended July 31, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is formatted ...
like a sonnet, but it's not one. I can see a slight rhyming sound with moments and unspoken, but none at all with bedroom and agony, nor with comfort and farther or rainfall and blue.
Better luck next time.
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Sorry, Jim, I was trying for something different with a rhyme scheme of every other line. Just to break old patterns. Couldn't quite break away from the meter thing though. Thanks for reading, though. Take care, Mary
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You could enter it in my other contest.
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