One day goddess moon looked down towards earth below,
she pondered why grey sky brought snow,
why autumn plants seemingly grew bleak then died,
and grew back green after white snow had dried.
She wondered why earth's people needed water, bringing life,
Couldn't they find sustenance's other form which could drive
their will, their power, their ways of work,
The goddess moon looked down and smirked.
And then one day goddess moon discovered a rope,
Once bored great goddess tugged on said rope in hope,
about ending sheer boredom, alas, all water moved
away from wet shore, as goddess moon pulled.
She did this every day for about a week,
but soon, again bored, her mood became bleak,
her husband, shining sun, appeared, bringing her great joy,
he told her about earth's people below enjoying her new toy.
So the moon, refreshed, continued her pull,
bringing earth's tides into shore when husband had control,
and letting them go out when she danced across the sky,
on her, earth's people below, they knew they could rely.
Author notes
This is an entry into the POM contest.
My theme is about the moon and her discovery of the tides...but it also discovers her pondering life below, on earth, the planet she shows guardianship to...this is actually an extension to a prior series of poems personifying the moon, and I hope that this one is just as good to you guys as some of the others have been...I really enjoyed writing this one, and really enjoyed even more submitting it to such a prestigious contest...thanks for allowing me to enter...I look forward to seeing the results...even if I don't win anything...this contest still allows me to showcase my talent...and I love to write.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended August 1, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I love this its such clever interpretation of tides and really very well penned
sweet
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I thought this title sounded familar...lol....
I really enjoyed this the first time through - still enjoy it!
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Hi and welcome to the POM!
You’ve created a lovely story around the moon and the tides, making for a very enjoyable read. I know working around those filler words can be a pain, but you did pretty good...just a few that Bear pointed out. Some of your story was a wee bit confusing to me in spots...I think because of how you had to work around those words. Also some issue with the rhyming, which is forced in some places...or missing altogether in others.
I’d suggest trying to be consistent with that, unless done on purpose for some poetic reason. 
All in all though, a solid entry for your first time in the PO’s. I hope you’ll find the experience to have been a good one for you; keep challenging your pen, join us in future contests, and I’ve no doubt your scores will soar!
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Hi and welcome to the POM I have not seen any rules broken on your entry.Now onto your poem.I did enjoy this write I have seen this theme before though but you did a good job with it. Goodluck in the contest best wishes and much luck. My score will be sent in with my closing notes and posted at the end of the contest.
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Moon and tides are rather cliche'
But you have penned this with your own poetic style...
nicely done!
Best wishes in the contest!
My scores will appear in final notes.
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!
Write on!
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Although this is not a unique theme, I really enjoyed how you presented it. Good wording and images, interesting story. You have some filler words in this - but I think your wording could be tightened up a bit without them. Nice presentation. An enjoyable read.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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Hello
2nd to last line....*the*
4th line...*and*
2nd S...3rd L...*of*
3rd S...1st L *And*
First impression....not bad....we have seen this Theme done many times in the PO' Contests, yet you would not know, as I know you are new....welcome!
Try to read alll entries every weeek....whether you comment on all, is not the point....learning what we look for, is ~
I enjoyed this write....I have always enjoyed this Theme....it can be done so beautifully each time ~
Let's see what my board says....good luck & God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.25...a tad confusing --
Flow 9.8....nice job...poetic -
Depth 8.5....lots of depth....just too cliche'-
Theme 8.5...already talked about this -
Feelings 9.5....I enjoyed the trip once again -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective -
Presentation 9.1....lots of long quatrains make me dizzy -
Uncommonness 9.25...not common....but you'll get to know what Themes are available if you stick around....hope so
-Sit & Ponder Affect 9.9...I did ponder, but not for long, as I have seen this penned before -
Ability to follow Rules .9.25...watch your Filler Words....3 is not bad, but we're looking for none -
Bears Score: 92.7
Not bad
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Nicely creative and pleasant read, but "Stanza's Two & Five" still have filler words. That's why I love this contest becauseit's such a challange Keep working on it I can say for a fact that the "PO" Contests have greatly improved my Muse!
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Hey this is pretty good! I like this. The moon's perspective, eh? nice.
But you might want to re-read the rules and edit accordingly before a judge sees! -
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Ack!!! What's wrong!!! Help me...I've been editing it for two hours now...
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There's no: and, is, of, the, that to - allowed.
you might want to double check, I just did that from memory.
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Thinkies I gots it fixed now...thanks for pointing them out...wow, I got all but three replaced on my own.
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I know, but I can't find any good words to replace them...so they are just there...you should have seen it at first...it was loaded with filler words, and I replaced the majority of them...I've been trying for an hour to get rid of the majority.
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hmmm wish i could help but that'd be cheating :/ it's up to you. you can do it (= be creative.
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