the colors fade
as i swirl to the
end of time
perhaps i will meet
the beginning there
and ask it why
i am a mannequin
floating in space
Author notes
Credit for the picture goes to Frantisek Drtikol.
The picture itself can be found here: http://images.worldgallery.co.uk/i/prints/rw/lg/2/5/Frantisek-Drtikol-The-Soul--1930-250160.jpg
Won silver in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2414769
In a list
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Impact
It doesn't seem to matter how much time we spend in space; we never take it all up. I wanted to tell you that these feelings have impact, especially when one feels stripped or dis-plumed of honors. Thanks for sharing, the universe and its contents are worth more than one life
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I was retarded. This should've gotten gold.
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Don't worry about it; I don't think it's gold-worthy material anyway. Thanks, though.
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Great depth.
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this is a really great piece, the best part about it - well not best, but a strong part is the empty space surrounding the words. it works so well, it lets the reader fall with the narrator of the poem. i truly am impressed. i might read more by you.
helen~
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I love it. I like when poems can be so simple yet get you to feel an emotion. Nicely done.
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I really enjoyed this.
Very well done.
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hm. Yes. The vacancy in this poem is what makes it so exceptional. I like that you word the question as a statement. I find it more effective. And, it's quite relatable. Everyone feels they are simply floating around sometimes. I'm rather impressed.
-joan
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Love it. Simple yet deep.
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different very vague and yet so powerful. beautifully written !!!! keep writting
xoxo
Tash -
congrattttttttttsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss !
...yes, I felt the need to exaggerate
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I wanted to give this gold...
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That's alright. Thank you.
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yea, punky brewster below, wouldn't let me lol.
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Bwahahahaha that's true LoL
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I'm evil. So are you. Go figure.
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Yes, sometimes. lol
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That's okay. I don't mind getting silver.
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Silver is pretty.
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I still really, really like this.
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Meghan REALLY loved this & so did I
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The words that are penned here match the picture that is at the top of this page. This poem is short, but it has such meaning to it, and I often find myself feeling as though I am just floating through space, although I am sure many people find themselves feeling that way as well.
This is a lovely write and I enjoyed reading it.
-Meg
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i sometimes feel like this.
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Well. I'm not really sure what to say. You tend to do that to me with your poems. I have nothing to critique. No cliches, superb grammar, cohesion, excellent use of 'blank' space.
I'm glad you chose this; it was my favorite by far. This is applicable to so many things, and people. I can relate to this.
Ok, I'm rambling.
It's brilliant. (NO bias! ) You happy?
Pt
(you'll get the clapping reindeer if you place, so don't feel slighted )
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Reindeer? I thought they were smiling emoticons
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I can call them whatever I want
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You guys do such a good job cluttering up the comment section on my poems.
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Go give him his reindeer--you gave pushback some if I recall correctly.
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Thank you.
I may add to the poem later; I don't want it being too open-ended. -
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ok. just tell me.
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I guess you're one of those poets who don't capitalize 'i's...I won't push it, since I sense it you're the type who doesn't bend.
I like that this is in the present tense--not many poems are w/o accidentally being in the past tense at some point...you didn't have this problem, so kudos!
"i am a mannequin
floating in space"
LOVE LOVE those lines...
I wouldn't have been able to write anything like this for that picture...Gives me a philosophical vibe.
Thanks for entering
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No I don't. Not in poetry, anyway. Though, I've only been writing them like that for roughly a year so, maybe longer. It started as an experiment and has evolved into my main style. So, no, I don't think I'll change it anytime soon.
Thanks for the comment.
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Why do you write them like that? It interests me 'cause quite a few poets do that
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Why do you use alliteration? It's merely a personal preference. I suppose if you want an actual reason, then it's to give the poem an understated feel; that, combined with the italics, offer a quiet, if not ethereal, voice carrying a strong message.
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I agree. I get that voice in your work.
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Nice explanation, thanks.
I use alliteration because I like to spank it.
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