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Kneeling on Injustice

Missing image

ravages of war
leave him torn asunder,
bearing agony's weight
upon his shoulders

no golden moment
shall he breathe
inside death's battlefield,  
bringing injustice to it's knees

                          And so
                                         he
                                                   prays.

 



 

Author notes


http://mmebuterfly.deviantart.com/art/sadness-18304153

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • penman gold member
    July 31, 2008
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    Excellent

    Another beautiful creation. So very well done. Congratulations on the honorable mention.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, a dark piece. Love how you've written this, reads so smoothly. A stunning poem, good luck in the contest


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The ravages of war are indeed a heavy weight upon mankind and individuals! Felt his weariness in this and his last effort being to pray! Excellent take on the picture!


  • notorious
    July 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    "torn asunder"
    NICE...love the word 'asunder'--I keep seeing this word in poems & forgetting to use it!!

    "agony's weight"
    Like the possessive form of something you can't really touch.

    "no golden moment shall he breathe"
    Sad!!

    "And so he prays."
    Fabulous ending.

    Good luck


  • KayJay
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... what a terrific take... you're so much more creative than me... I'm going to stop compteting with you Fabulous take, dear...Wonderful write.
    Ken

    • Carolina Moon gold member
      July 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aww you are so kind...Thank you for such a lovely comment, especially when I felt I failed horribly with this prompt. You have made me feel better..thank you. But don't you dare stop competing, where else will I get my push to try harder hehe

1 - 11 of 11