Inconspicuous verdant - abate, bygone;
blanket now tattered - unatoneable;
frozen flows, aerates, evanesces;
Omnipresent yet obscure,
I lie in my own blood puddle.
inutile efforts can't revive
my timeless endeavor.
Six billion lives,
trample twenty four seven, three sixty five -
debonair, scabrous feet, painstakingly mild?
No. Not quite so;
I reach my yielding point,
you force you on me,
I retaliate with me on you.
Twisters, submerges, boils, gusts.
legitimate or illegal;
for sure congenital.
I have my laws,
you act, I react.
Author notes
POM contest
theme - mother earth has a dialogue with human beings.
a very simple poem. just wondered why do we hear of so many storms,tornados, floods, famines happening all over. guess mother earth is tired of all the imbalance we have created. just tried to portray what she might be thinking.
(i just have 19 lines. it says 22. so pls don't DQ.)
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended August 1, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hi Vibes,
Forget it as a bad dream???
Hummm...I don’t think it’s quite THAT bad! 
Okay, if I put your intended “theme” aside, and look at this as more of a metaphorical piece...there are things here I like.
It reminded me...of an ex-boyfriend’s two children...who couldn’t stop fighting. Not just screaming and yelling, but all-out, knock-down, physical fights...It was one big chain reaction., once one began, they couldn‘t stop...I always wondered which of the two would make it to adulthood. 
In that regard, I saw some rather cool imagery. If you’d been able to use a few of those dreaded filler words, I think the flow would have been much improved, and some of your word choices would have been different, perhaps. As for the theme you intended, it’s a tough one to tackle, simply because it’s done so often. Nothing wrong with giving it a try though, whether or not it worked for you in the end. 
My scores will come in the final notes...
Thanks so much for your entry, and hope to see you back soon!
Best wishes,
~J.
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Hi and welcome to the POM I have not seen any rules broken on your entry.Now onto your poem.I have seen this topic before so it is not original to me but you did a good job with it I did not really like the repeating of so many words when there are other words that could of been used that took away from the poem a bit for me.Goodluck in the contest best wishes and much luck. My score will be sent in with my closing notes and posted at the end of the contest.
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Seems you rushed this...your ideas
are there...and I LOVE the theme!!! Could have used more, imagery, impact....thanks for entering hope to see you again!!
Best wishes in the contest!
My scores will appear in final notes.
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!
Write on!
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I think the title for this is too vague, although I would probably click on it out of curiosity. Until I read your author's notes, I really couldn't tell what this was about. Your wording is great, but a little heavy for the length of this. Not as much impact as there could be - if you'd 'enlarge' on this topic a bit more. Still, a nice entry.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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Hi vibes
Nice to see you over here ~
First impression.....I had read through several lines, before I could even think about getting*, your Theme
Next....twenty-four, three-sixty-five is not poetic, and has the cliche' Tone to it....I don't suggest it ~
Not a fan of one long Stanza ~
Breaks your thoughts up ~
Also, had I not known this was your entry, I would never had figured it for yours at all....hmmm ~
*you force you on me*....Very awkward line ~
Not sure the Tone is balanced...seems rocky to me and not really goping any place of great interest ~
Not what I would expect you to enter......and you know, I am a HUGE fan of your writings ~
Gosh....I don't know....I just don't see much Power or Impact in your thoughts this time.....let's see how it does on my board
Good luck...God bless,
Bear ~
Title 8.7...nothing I would click on -
Flow 9.2..one stanza is awkward -
Depth 9.1...not a lot going on....lots of abstract thoughts -
Theme 7.5..I do not suggest this genre of Themes....it has been done numerous times -
Feelings 8.5...nothing to really engage in -
Grammar 9.65....simple, nice Tone -
Presentation 9.0....not a fan of one long stanza -
Uncommonness 7.75...not original as I look for -
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.5...sorry -
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect from what I can see -
Bears Score: 87.9
Hmmm....I'm not sure what happened here vibes
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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hey Bear... trust me when i say this.... i wanted to remove this poem from the contest... dont know why i just didnt do it... i myself dont like it.... it just came to head n wrote it... i somehow knew it didn't fit the contest n had no hopes either.... just one of those times when things don't click.... i wanna forget it as a bad dream.....sorry to disappoint u.... even i m not sure what happened here....but i know one thing at least - it is a grave mistake!!!this poem is....sorry.
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Hehe ~
Yup, sometimes it happens
No worries...I know your talent....I know when someone is having a bad day
Bless you!
Bear ~ -
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thanks for understanding... just let the poem be... forget it... ( i want to at least!!!)
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This is a very unique write and after reading the Authors Notes I understaand and appreciate a great deal more
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I like your title, and this concept very much...well written. All the best!
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