The Tub Show

I have often pondered the complexities of the self inflicted pain junkie...it's a bizarre and widespread affliction that would suck if it was an addiction.  A girlfriend of mine used to cut herself all the time and she used to hide from me. I told her to stop and asked if I could watch and what I saw terrified me. She took that blade back and forth a thousand times at once, up her leg, then smiled as she watched the blood drip down. As the crimson pinked away, I asked why she did this. Was it some relief or some kind of fun? She replied no, wait, I'm not finished yet, the best part is soon to come. She took the body wash so calmly from beside her in the tub and all those bleeding openings she did cover in soap and rub. She said sometimes I feel like I am going to explode and this is my only release, the only way I know. I've never done this for attention she said with her furrowed brow, It's not a call for sympathy. If I could have I always would have done this secretly but it is hard to hide or to deny when you cut to this degree. I can't really explain but the fact remains, she said as her eyes sang, It's never been about anything for me except the pain.