Beach sand and sea sounds
creamy gulls pin wheeling
in burning blue skies
riding aloft an onshore flow
and the sun a brass cymbal
crashing on horizon’s tide.
Willowy long and brown
your sculpted legs in
thoroughbred cadence
with toe-caught sand
and dappled waves
shoeing your feet.
Chestnut mane waving
to the rhythm as you
run – a wild horse –
over aquamarine waters,
feet pounding like hooves
on wet packed sand
caught between the
sea, the shore, and the sky
laughter riding high and clear.
You of all most missed,
I hear that laughter
still.
A contest entry
- What Do You Miss? by Auburn Sunrise.
600 points, ended August 3, 2008, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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oh.. this is beautiful. Such vivid and loving images, I don't know what else to say.
If I ever want to look through volumes of endless beauty, I'll know where to come.
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wow. the imagery in this is incredible. i read this a few days ago but was left speechless.
"the sun a brass cymbal" (until i copied it i kept reading it as "brash cymbal," and loved how could hear the crash of the cymbal in the line, but as it is it is great, and evokes both the sun and the crash of the waves all at once.)
"crashing on horizon's tide"
"toe-caught sand"
"wet packed sand"
"Willowy long and brown"
just awesome, inventive description, very evocative. the horse conceit is effective as well, i especially liked "shoeing your feet," very creative.
the last stanza reminds me almost of the end of a sonnet, or something, just in how it wraps it up tidily, the sound of it. definite shift, suddenly pulls away from the vivid imagery you draw forward, works well.
a few of the descriptions
"dappled waves"
"over aquamarine waters,"
and perhaps
"Chestnut mane waving /to the rhythm as you / run"
and "in burning blue skies"
maybe not quite as striking and original, but overall, a really excellent, gorgeous, very well-written, evocative piece. well done! -
I COULD quote this entire verse, but you wrote it, so you know what is says! LOL Your vivid imagery took me back to my teen years spent at the shore from dawn to long after dusk. I almost could have seen my teenage boyfriend commenting on my "chestnut mane" as I rode a wave to shore. From the listless prompt, to a magnificent poem, I wish you the best! (I also wish I was there right now!) Thank you for the memory!
Linda
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Oh, gosh. I'm speechless with this one, brother.
I have nothing else to say but ... it has really inspired me.
gorgeous descriptives
haunting pictures that stay
feet pounding like hooves
on wet packed sand
caught between the
sea, the shore, and the sky
laughter riding high and clear.
Love the ending. Haunting!
A winner in my book.
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If I could paint like this ...I'd die happy..
I see so many things, but the ones that settle the most make me think not only of things we lose when we lose others, or people pass out of our lives, it makes me think of how easily we lose ourselves..
I get such strong images of children... perhaps from watching my own daughter run through the waves ..an image so much like this.. and the wist that I always feel thinking someday you won't be able to do this, someday it will be improper for many, and they will remind you it is..
Also of course, I see every small thing I miss, and the places I keep them inside so I can take them out in quiet turns...and relive them..
Wonderfully thoughtful...as I have come to expect.
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Beautiful in auditive splendor ...
The title, plus the slow entrance line, put the reader on the alert ... to carefully move within the lines, not to disturb the passionate curve of life ... but in vain: "most missed" ... said it all ...
Suggestion: Perhaps, Poet, you may move those exact words to the last line? After describing the entire wonderment of being, such an exit line will come as an anti-climax; a shock.
Your writing grew in depth and in intensity. I simply love it.
Blessed be.
Myra
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Myra,
You always seem to know what to say. Not the last line, but the next to last, I think will do the trick. See what you think with this.
Of course, you were correct, I tipped my hand too soon. It works so much better this way.
Thank you for the suggestion and the great compliment.
Garrison
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This is beautiful... Such an intricate piece of memory to thought. Very well penned imagery to emotion, weaving the course of revelry. Nicely done! I especially enjoyed:
"Beach sand and sea sounds
creamy gulls pin wheeling
in burning blue skis"
.. great vivid detail here, but did you mean 'skies'? ..
A lovely piece indeed!
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Beautiful. Of course you completely knocked this contest out of the water (pun intended) and left everyone else on shore.
The details, the way you appeal to so many senses with such vivid imagery, the sentiments expressed without really speaking them... it's perfect!!!
A 5-star write for a vague, mediocre prompt.
I'm impressed... but not surprised. I've come to expect this brilliance from you.
Of course, you thrilled me with this entry. -
Your descriptions were remarkable. I felt I was riding with the wind. How beautifully you penned this.
Great job. Good luck in the contest.
Nor
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