Look into my eyes
What do you see?
Beyond the brown swirl,
Beyond the mask I wear,
Here I am,
Still breathing in life
Look into my eyes daddy,
Am I still your little girl?
The one you left behind,
Because you couldn't handle it,
The monstrous life you sowed,
And now you leave it in my hands,
Only to bare the awful truth
Look into my eyes now,
Am I good enough yet?
My heart is still beating,
My head is still shaking,
My body is still hurting,
My life is still changing
I live to see the day,
When evil gets true justice,
The day I rise above
And see my real father,
I keep hoping,
I keep praying,
Because there has to be more,
More than this world,
more than you daddy,
And the hole you've sunk me into
Author notes
Well, I know this poem seems like it's about rape. but it's really not. You can take it anyway you want to I guess. It's really about my dad's death. Before he passed i only saw the good in him. Behind closed doors he was a drunk and a failure who couldnt handle his own life. He was dying. We all knew, he knew, but yet you wouldnt stop drinking. He knew he was killing himself, but he didnt even love his kids enough to stop. I just learned this not too long ago. It really changed my outlook on everything because i based alot of myself on him and his goodness. It changed my outlook on life and my success. I was once a lie of a daughter to a great man and now I have found I am just a daughter of a drunk man who didnt love me enough. I understand now why i have made the descions I have made. I always thought that they way i ma was all because of me, but it was becuase of him. Maybe not all, but alot has to do with him. I put so much blame on myself, but it's not my fault. After i found all this out I felt I lost a piece of myself even more, but after I thought it out and time went on I realized that it's not all that bad. My life has changed from it, but I'm letting go of my past for the very first time. So here's to you dad, you weren't the greatest man alive, but I still love you for some reason...
A contest entry
- A LIFE INTERRUPTED...HAS YOURS BEEN? TELL ME ABOUT IT... by sassylilpoet.
1500 points, ended August 3, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Your poem really moved me as it's a pain I can understand. Although our circumstances are different we share a common pain with loss of fathers. Thank you for sharing and well done.
-
I feel your pain as well as the disappointment that your father has left you with. I do hope that you know your father's alcoholism was an illness, just like cancer, and he was too weak to beat it. It doesn't mean that you weren't good enough for him, or that he loved you any less. You state in your author notes that you just learned this not too long ago, I'm not clear on what that means, but if it means that he kept his illness hid from you, then that means he loved you enough that he didn't want to hurt you. He was the greatest man alive when you perceived him to be perfect, and now that you find out that he wasn't, do you believe that he's now less than a man, or less than your father? We all have our imperfections and often times we hurt those we love the most, yet, it doesn't mean we love them any less. I hope that with time the pain and anger that you now feel towards your father subsides, and that in this harsh tragedy that you've had to experience, you've learned some valuable lessons that will hopefully prevent you from hurting your children as it seems your father has hurt you.
Thanks for sharing,
Good Luck and Blessings,
Sassy
-
loved it
and I felt your pain and frustration!
its a very hard blow when you grow up and realize that your parent(s) are not the people you thought they were. I went through the same thing with my mom I see her in a whole different light now, it's a little disapointing and kind of a let down.
great write!!
::LB::
-
Powerful write. I don't know what this would be like personally, but my mother had a father who was a drunk for the majority of his life. My mother told me awful stories about him where she would chase her mother (my grandmother) outside in the cold winter snowy weather without any coat or boots on. My mom told me she had to sneak the coat and boots to her through a basement window. Sorry for your loss.
Thanks for sharing this piece with all of us and best of luck in the contest.
-
wow, i am very sorry to hear about this. and the poem didn't seem like rape to me, but instead a father who walked away from the child and his family, rejecting them. i am sorry your father passed away and is no longer with us. and the connection of a child and it's father is a great one, one that is very very hard to break. great poem. loved it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
