www.zillowblog.com/.../2007/10/haunted_house.jpg
[Link. Picture by Amanda Hoffman]
One summer night, we took a dare;
Having some fun and a good scare.
Things looked ominous and immense.
Some were growing a wee bit tense.
Doors flew open without a creak.
Wind caught breaths, none dared speak.
Cautious, we entered inside,
an unwelcome presence our guide.
Overwhelming feelings of unease,
Cold spots began to torment and tease.
Blue lights made most manifest
an old guy in his purple vest.
Insane laughter filled the room,
seeping through it a sense of doom.
Sally broke down into fierce tears,
playing on our vexed, vital fears.
Objects hurled through the air
"Welcomed to the Devil's Lair."
Why, oh why, did we so stray?
"What terrible price you'll all pay."
Dawn followed this long, long night.
Papers read: "Kids died of fright".
Townspeople know all too well,
Survivors don't live to tell.
Author notes
Haunted Houses
In a list
A contest entry
- Dalaney Contest 7 "Old" by Sue Cardwell.
650 points, ended August 10, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween Fright Night- for members of People With Disabilities And Anyone Who Wishes To Enter! by tawk.
1850 points, ended November 8, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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If there were no survivors then were did the story come from??? Jk!!! Your poem was very enjoyable...It totally made me not want to go into a haunted house!!! But the rhyming was my favorite part, it wasnt forced and it flowed...Great write!!
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Spooky tale you wove! Chilling air to it. The flow and rhyme are superb. An excellent read, good luck
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Chilling, I hate haunted houses. What a wonderful write full of amazing and scary imagery and emotions. I so enjoyed reading keep up the wonderful writing. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. hugs Theresa
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Spooky!!!
Wonderful flowing, creepy narrative, full of suspense, drama & maybe a few chills along the way...
Compelling throughout...
Well done!!!
Good luck in the contest...
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BANDITS UNITED
First time I checked my e-mail since I left Alberta on Sunday. Now in Quebec, Mont Tremblant. Congratulations on being chosen for this honor. Pleased to see. Glad to see you recceived a trophy for this fine effort. Liked the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines. Way to go. -
BANDITS UNITED
Very spooky and a pleasure to read. I liked the simple structure and congratulations on the HM.
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BANDITS UNITED!!!
an excellent write that grips the reader from beginning to end. great rhythm and rhyme. wonderful imagery. this line has a big impact:
"Why, oh why, did we so stray?
What terrible price you'll all pay."
thank you for sharing your amazing talent. keep writing! God bless you always
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BANDITS UNITED
Very intriguing and spooky tale, I enjoyed every word, it keep my attention from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
LISA
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BANDITS UNITED
Oooo creepy and just the sort of thing kids like to get mixed up in with a dare. it is as if you had been there, great posting,
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BANDITS UNITED !!
You paint a perfect scene of a house of horror, The build up of fear and emotions is done very deftly. The dialogue in Stanza 5 is right on! I hoped against hope that these explorers would escape with the scare of their lives but alas, I was wrong, your ending gave it a greater impact. Well Done!
You have been Spotlighted by your Bandit Sisters & Brothers today because WE CARE! Write On dear Bandit Sister.
Dennis
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Bandits United!
A poem that grips you from the beginning to the end, full of those innermost fears revealed. Congrats on your HM!
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Bandits United!!
Oh My Apple Pie This is a Beauty of a piece
I held on from beginning to the end-
wanted to hear more
Excellent and tight rhyme also~
Makes a great story
Woot!!!
Congratulations on Your HM!
-Throws confetti-
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
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BANDITS UNITED!
Oh! I like this little ghostly poem. Great visuals for a rhymer.
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Bandits United
This is scary I kept reading to see what would happen next. Great poem and the imagery is just great. Your rhyming is wonderful too. Love the poem Auntie. Enjoy your spotlight.
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
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Bandits United!
Great write! I think you did a great job rhyming too. I could imagine everything and picture it in my head, great job!
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Bandits United!
I liked this read congratulations on being spotlighted have a great week much love always
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Bandits United!
Hoo-ey This one had the little hairs on the back of my neck standing up!
Very scarey piece you have created...fab stuff. I once went to babysit at a big old English manor house in some isolated countryside when I was the tender age of about 16, and it was one of those typical horror movie-style dark and stormy nights with no moon...the wind was howling around the creaking eaves...branches were scraping and banging at the windows...the lights were fickering and dipping... Boy, was I terrified!!!
The truth is that the worst moment the entire night for me was after I'd put the little girl to bed (in her attic room!), and was on my wobbly way back down the flights of stairs when I turned a corner to come face to face with...a full-size mirror and I caught sight of my white face with its huge frightened eyes. Damn near died of fright right then and there!! Heh heh...
Well penned, dear Poet. Bravo on the HM, and keep that talent flowing.
Enjoy your day to shine, Sweet Pea!
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BANDITS UNITED!
ohh!! This was a fun tale. And the ending is so final, it reminds me of the line that they play one the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland "dead men tell no tales" 
Spooky!
-sailor ptolema
`
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BANDITS UNITED YAY!
Love a spooky poem and this one ends on such a clever note. Smiling from the fun of reading this adventure into the twilight zone! 
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Bandits United!
Nice atmosphere you have created - I like the no survivors ending - much more spooky than the happy ending nice work on getting an honorable mention!
Keep writing
Polly
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Bandits United!
What a great tale! I read with growing interest and enjoyed the suspense as it slowly played out
I especially like the even flow of rhyme
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Bandits United
I loved this line:
Townspeople know all too well,
Survivors don't live to tell.
It set the tone for the entire piece. Great write.
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Bandits United!
A great story, written with wonderful rhyme and imagery. You delivered an excellent ending to this spooky tale of a haunted house. A very enjoyable read!
Congrats on the HM! Well deserved.
Love & Light
Debbera
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bandits united
It flowed rather well. I liked the imagery you used it had a fresh twist to it. I really liked the ending kids died of fright. I have always been a fan of haunted houses and ghost stories. I found it to be a very enjoyable poem. I think it deserved more then an hm.
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Thank you for your entry in the contest, it was both interesting and enjoyable. We look forward to seeing more from you.
Sue and Jeff
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Nice story! Read well, great images!
best wishes in your contest
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Scary!
Well-rhymed, L.A.
Poem addresses your haunted house very well.
I liked the alliteration of "vexed, vital fears".
Best wishes. Ron.
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Remember reading this quite a while ago - liked the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines. Nice to read it again.
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The fun erupts with the "old guy in a purple vest" A witty spooking. Thank you for a bright start to my day.
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hahaha, what a riot of a tale you have spun. success in this contest.
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ooo! spooky and brilliant!
reminds me of a scary story i read in a book once.
Wonderful write and awesome story told.
God bless,
ZeInkslinger
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