Without you my heart achs every moment of my life is like i'm being stabbed in my side. Every thing I see feels like its my last moment on earth. I need you by my side as you are my gaurdian, my saviour. Please come back to me as you are my one and only. Your the reason that I make it threw each day as I am awaiting your return. I can look at you and I dont see anything else in the world except you. Spending hours on the phone late at night talking to you. Please come back to me as you are my one and only. Please, oh please come back home to me. The phone rings and I rush to see if it was you wanting to talk again, but it was only one of my friends. I hear the door bell ring and I rush to see if it was you, though it wasnt. Where are you? You normally dont stay away from me this long... Please come back, pretty please? I feel like a fish outa water as the time without you seems to last.
Comments
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I like this, and there's obviously a lot of feeling behind it. You miss someone? I can tell you really mean all the words.. Ok, now the bit i hate.. critisisms... 'achs' should be 'aches'. There needs to be a semi-colon after it, or a full stop. 'its my last moment on earth' should be 'it's'. Gaurdian should be guardian. 'please come back to me as you are my one and only' sounds a little clumsy, maybe it should be 'please come back to me; you are my one and only'? 'your' should be 'you're'. 'threw' should be 'through'. 'and i rush to see if it was you, though it wasn't' changes tense, which is slightly confusing... Perhaps at the end you could put in another 'you are my one and only' because i like this line, it's very clever... and it seems to fit on the end. Don't let these corrections put you off, the piece was still amazingly deep and very strong! keep it up!
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