It was my artist town, along river wide
in a basement apartment one night
I went on a magical journey
into dancing fireplace light.
In shadow streaked, silver flocked walls
Knights leapt onto flickering flames
broad swords drawn, glowing in blue
in mid air they penned out their names.
Nine cats shared this eve with me
caught up in such energies flow
leaping from bookshelf then table
amidst a magical mushroom glow.
As night waned with days approach
flaming embers gone towards fade
never forgetting this euphoric vision
when Knights with kitty cats played.
Author notes
Theme: A mind altering experiance from the seventies
*POM Contest*
* Do NOT use the Filler Words, *the, and, is, of, that, to* ~
In a list
- Silver • next in list
- Addiction and Recovery • next in list
- Green Cups • next in list
- PO & Winkling • next in list
- Fantasy & Fairytale • next in list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended August 1, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ancient Rymes and Opium Dreams by intoothandclaw.
700 points, ended January 4, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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this was freaking' perfect
thanks muchly
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wow this is really neat. i enjoyed reading it a lot, and i thank you for intering. good luck!!
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this is so awesome! i absolutly loved reading it! thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Forgot these guys!
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hoodwink!
This poem is filled with amazing imagery. I had a few of those mystical nights back in the day. This well crafted, and a much enjoyable read.
Love & light
Debbera -
This is pretty good. i wish that it described the feeling a little bit more, but none the less, it is good. good luck
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This is sweet I really like the ending
never forgetting this euphoric vision
when Knights with kitty cats played.
That's a sweet image right there. Your whole poem was fun to read. It's enjoyable to read a fairytale that's fun, in short form
Thank you !
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this has really great imagery and as usual the rhyme and flow are great too. This write is kind of ... dare I say it ... magical.
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I liked this it is very diffrent, and some superb imagry
thanks for entering -
I liked this very much just some corrections I suggest for flow. S1 L4 "fireplace light" I think fire light is fine. S2 L3 "in" isn't really neccissary. S3 L2 "caught up with energies flow", and S4 L2 embers begin to fade" or something like that. The idea of the poem I found interestingly unqiue, but I'm not from that genreation, lol. thanks for sharing the experience.
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I grinned happily at all the colour involved.
Sparkles with a cheshire grin. Blue
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Very nice!I liked it a lot!Good job
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very nice written poem what kind of drugs were you on that night? Hum.... I can see how it won a trophy though cuz your use of imagery is very well done. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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Oh gosh . . . considering the restraints you were under in writing this piece, you made it work beautifully. Hehehe I've never been mentally "altered", but the experience you vividly describe would have been trippy indeed. I wonder, though, if the pleasantness of the vision made the return to reality all the more difficult.
Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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Great job!! You painted a picture in my mind of every detail, and used a very beautiful choice of words. This poem made me smile, if only at the memories I have had with the same kind of experiences. It is a well crafted poem with a shakey flow, but great imagery. Thank you for entering the contest, and good luck.
-Nathan -
Good work!
Great memories! Thanks for sharing! Good luck in the contest!
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hi i thought this was a well structured write and it feels as if it just flowed from your hand to pen and then onto the paper with no really thought the best way to write thanks for entering gud luck
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what a cute little poem! i liek how you brought structure into a very unstructured experience. wonderful write best of luck!
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nice piece, thanks for entering good luck
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Well done! Congrats!
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Hi and welcome to the POM.
This is one of my favorite reads this week, and makes me wonder just what I’ve missed out on in life, by being as straight-laced as I’ve been.
(Not to worry though...I’ll live the experience through your eyes and be perfectly content. 
)
Okay, seriously...great imagery, and I loved the story. The alliterations are subtle but musical, very nicely done. Only a couple of lines gave me pause...
“As night wained with days approach” I think you may have meant “waned”? Also, “with days approach” seems redundant...just MO.
And:
“flaming embers gone towards fade” This was just awkward, to me, compared to the rest of the write. “started to fade” or something on that order, although simpler, would have been smoother...but again, just MO.
A great job, all around. Thanks so much for your entry, and hope to see you back soon!
Good luck and Best wishes,
~J. -
Hi and welcome to the POM I have not seen any rules broken on your entry.Now onto your poem.I have seen this theme through
out allpoetry quite a bit but you still did a great job with this so that wont effect my score to much..Goodluck in the contest best wishes and much luck. My score will be sent in with my closing notes and posted at the end of the contest. -
Aloha again!
Being a child of the sixties....and a die hard hippie..
I do so relate!
Best wishes in the contest!
My scores will appear in final notes.
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!
Write on!
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I like your title. Great images in this - easy for one to picture your 'journey'. Read nicely, neat presentation, rules followed. A very nice entry.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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Hey Bill
Welcome back!
First Impression....never, begin with *it*
*shadow-streaked........silver-flocked*
Theme.....ummm....I think more focus on your experience, rather than the story ~
I enjoyed the visuals, but more info on the trip was what I was looking for ~
Not bad....not as original as I want, but you brought back some good times, and that was a nice way to end my time in your write ~
I think the journey was short, but cute....the Rhyme is common, but affective.....the Tone made up for grammatical choices ~
The best thing about this write, is your ability to create such nice Flow without Fille3r Words, and used Rhyme on top of that....well done on the challenge of no FW's ~
Nice job Bill...
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...lengthy...I think you could have chosen something better -
Flow 9.75...meter was good....but same meter sometimes gets boring after the 2nd or 3rd Stanza -
Depth 9.5....depth is okay....just not enough of it -
Theme 9.8...nice job..kept my attention -
Feelings 8.75...not a lot of fellings...more show* -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective -
Presentation 9.75...too many quatrains can become boring and common format -
Uncommonness 10....I'll give you this once! -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, brought back memories -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 96.0
Great job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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very imaginative, and apparently based on past experience: great recollection. you make the poem flow well and your imagery is encompassing. Glad for the theme and why you wrote this, probably making others revisit like memories in their own heads. very different and very memorable. good luck. Cheers
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You describe your experience very vividly so that it makes me feel like I was there. well done! I love this line in particular for some reason: "In shadow streaked, silver flocked walls". good luck in the contest.
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It was the summer of 1974 and it's as vivid for me now as it was back then. Thank you for the compliment
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!!!! i love it!...this is the first time i read something like this...it really reminds me of the movie anastashia when she sings of paintings and dancing bears..really nice job..and i'm impress that u didn't use any filler words for such a complex write..nice job
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Thank you for you wonderful comment. I put quite a bit of time into this one
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Now what had you been smoking or eating eh!!!!!! Those magic mushrooms have a lot to answer too.Loved it, Ros
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like this bill! quick question, check top by rules...best in contest! faith
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check top by rules? I don't understand Please explain
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