Where did time go? How did I end up here?
Inside I feel the same, although I’ve grown.
I’m surer who I am, though still unclear
what happened to those dreams I used to own.
Recurring aches, strange markings of the skin,
teeth loosening, dim eyes, there is no choice;
however hard I fight, I cannot win -
I have my mother’s jowls and her voice!
And as the body count begins to rise
among past icons, family and friends,
I know my life’s been one big compromise
so now I need to figure how it ends.
Time does its work, though we resist its goal,
by loosening the body from the soul.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 7 Old - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 15, 2008, 36 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bronze to Gold by Age of Rain.
360 points, ended September 27, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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interesting work, and a good ending i feel, although i'm personally not a fan of the sonnet because it always feels a penny short of a pound. you have a crinkle in line 8, it's short of beat and makes for a stumbling point. But thanks for the read and congrats on the bronze.
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I know what you mean about the sonnet, and feel it about this poem - I think the writing has to be weighty enough to make it feel the right length. I did think a bit about the line you mentioned, but decided that the way I say jowls, the word I wanted, is closer to two syllables than one; trying to fit in another syllable makes it more awkward to say.
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Congratulations on the bronze. Although Jeff has said so on my behalf, I felt I would just like to add my own message.
Sue
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A tremendous Shakesperian sonnet and welcome to a new winner for use!
The top two took a light hearted approach to the theme, this is serious well thought poetry.
Beautiful and well worth the pot.
Thank-you so much for the entry and keep coming in the later rounds
Jeff and Sue.
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Thank you both!
Having read the gold and silver, I feel truly honoured. Thanks again, the encouragement means a lot.
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Time is the fire in which we burn, unless...
Do not stagnate-recalibrate,
Dream new dreams not old,
The world is full of friends-to-be
Go for it- be bold!
Find adventure good and bad,
You know you're not your mum
Wear the red shoes, strut your stuff,
The best is yet to come!
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Good advice young lady! However, regarding those heels you saw me buy(more pink than red as I recall), I've a fancy for borrowing Moira Shearer's instead...
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a good piece of poetry, maybe it goes where those odd socks go in the washing machine! i think no matt3er how old we get in body the mind will stick at a certain age and we look at life with those eyes. ah i know the teeth one and the eyes one, well one eye in my case if givig me trouble at the moment. the body count, that happened when i was actually young with me, a few friends leaving to death and then some more recently. aye, the ending makes me think of a poem i did ages back with the skin comes off - and all that we are left with is individuality
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