a spatial scape infinite
dry ocean upside down
where suspended orbs in silk
cluster-spin around.
an endless scope beautiful
wherein celestial hands
hold God’s possibilities-
where His kingdom stands.
planets spilled in circus sphere
mark the angel’s view
milky vines from which they swing
for audience in blue.
a concert of the cosmos
whose drapes draw to encores
swimming toward the lover’s web
till swept on boundless shores.
suspicious orchestration
for whom and what and how
swears for swooning romance
unknown, at least, till now.
the crystal moons will beam like
Utopia in queue
for sparkling visual opiates
will lead and follow you.
Author notes
I'm a squealer who seldom posts in haste. My 7th edit ( added a stanza). It may still progress before the drawing. .
A contest entry
- The Poetic Universe by Sprite.
1600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is just
awesome, beautiful, oooowwww I just adored this,
rissa,
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Why, rissa, thank you so much!
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As always ...
the smooth and refined pen of a master poet! And what a divine exit line ... contrasting possibilities. You write timeless work, do you know, Dianne? I simply adored the line: planets spilled in circus sphere I hear the soft giggle of the agile mind ... and of the Divine ...
Congratulations on your well deserved trophy.
Love
Myra
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This is beautiful, the rhythm and flow is marvelous. I really love that first stanza, it begins the poem beautifully and stays stuck in your mind.
Well penned.
~lost
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Regardless of whether or not you edit it some more, it is a splendid write as is. The flow is excellent, the rhyme very nice and the message is beautiful. I am rather fond of this poem! Some phrases stand out, such as: "planets spilled in circus sphere" and "Utopia in queue for sparkling visual opiates." Thanks for the beauty of this poem. Good luck. ~ Joyce
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Thank you for the read, comment, favor, but most of all your interest and genuine presence in all fairness!
I DO see why you chose the top 3. I knew it, but didn't take time out to change mine.
Your intention wasn't as much about the beauty of the firmament as it was about the purpose, social and otherwise, it's function, the reflections that are deeper in layers so that it can scale itself to understanding rather than something so awesome that it has random circumspect.
This was a wonderful contest!
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Extra stanza added (Fifth)
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Sensational
I really love this poem It is so descriptive I like "dry ocean upside down" and a concert of the cosmos, whose drapes draw to encores It gives us all a wonderful view of God's creation. Nice job sis!
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This is beautiful. This is a perfect set up for the rest of the poem:
a spatial scape infinite
dry ocean upside down
where suspended orbs in silk
cluster-spin around
Setting the poetic stage, so to speak.
This has so much rich visual imagery that draws the reader in and then you share the subtle message -- and it all just comes together so nicely. You write so well and you have such a command of the language to represent you thoughts so well. You are a great communicator.
Thank you. This one is special. It seems to represent an expansion in your talent (although your talent is already virtually infinite) -- or maybe you are just taking a different view of the world in this one. This speaks so much of liberation and freedom -- it has a wonderful light and uplifting quality.
Yes, this one is special. I'll be watching the fine tuning over time.
Garrison
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I'm glad you got the message. Didn't want too many moonbeams and stellar suns to get in the way...lol.
I've since edited, but if you see anything that needs
a smoother transition, please feel free to let me know.
Thank you for such a comment!
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whoa awesome write! I can tell you have a mastery of your words and that becomes clear in this poem. a great flow and a clear picture of what you wanted to express.
"milky vines from which they swing
for audience in blue." was my favorite
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Thanks for your entry. I will comment later. ~ Joyce
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