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Practice Haiku...

A Fight:

the white rock
bounces across dark heavy sand-
inaudiable pain






The Number Three (TNT for short):

three apple scented candles
and boxes of matches beside the three-
chidren's corpses

Author notes

Please don't fret about 5-7-5...I'm practicing for haikumonk's class. Please say how it may improve, if being critical.

Which one is better?

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Comments


  • myron silver member
    July 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, these are good. They mostly have clear images and that is a good strength to have as a haiku poet.

    I
    'm not sure "inaudable pain" quite works in a haiku as it's more of a statement than an image.

    The morbid haiku could also be shorter and more concise. But it's good - quite moving in its tragedy.

    Best wishes,
    Myron.