he is a hawk
circling me steadily.
a head of curls
colored like a peasants flight.
between my legs he shifts,
i smooth the edges
of his mohawk. oh,
those shaven sides
kiss my thighs.
there he thinks
and from his thoughts
come visual climaxes.
my fingertips read his hair,
like a poem in brail,
pulling out
the code.
strands from his scalp
become hands, stroking
the backside of my heart.
combing through my flaws
and blessing them with lips.
our hair...
it’s a labyrinth you want to get lost in.
Author notes
i know there are a lot of ideas here.
i just need a little feed back
...i still need to edit,
so please critque!
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- tonight i draw your hair by Nicolette.
2200 points, ended August 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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I really liked the use of bird metaphors in this poem and thought the opening stanza to be well-written and with lovely imagery. To me that was the strongest part of the poem. I felt that somehow the poem lost a bit of momentum and impact after that, although the 3rd stanza has some great moments and images too. There is a lovely subtle sensuality about this poem, as well as a softness that I liked. This poem has so much potential and with a bit more editing could become a really great piece of writing.
Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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thanks for the feedback!
peace to all ~flight
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this is absolutely gorgeous & so sensual..I love the take on the prompt & also the title is so visual
love this one...best of luck to you, although I don't think you'll need it!
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