Stargazers flaunt blowsy
pinkness
fecund abundance
with shameless lazy abandon
on the balcony
fragrance embalms the evening
sly
carnation spice edges
a word in
sideways.
The Slavonic lad
his face built for arrogance
draws deeply
exhales a sigh
cigarette smoke curls
Slowly over 'The Rainbow'
on my lap
He stares
passive
behind his barriers.
A contest entry
- #107 Living peace in the moment. by Lyndon.
5250 points, ended August 24, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Why do I see a scene from a Checkov play? Sitting on the porch, a rustic scene, a man's head in a woman's lap, he smokes and there is more silence than speech. The few words lending to a sense of saudade possibly.
"Over the rainbow" Where hopes, dremas and lost wishes wait.
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I couln't write something this well worded without a dictionary! You are very talented!
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Thank you.
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Wonderful!
I love shameless lazy abandon. It is my favorite kind of abandon.
Your words are soft as lazy days floating and are relaxing to the tired mind.
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There is movement, scent and feel here that combine
to bring a focused moment into view. I admire the
use of language and brevity to paint such details.
Wonderful fit to prompt. Blue
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Very nice! the mood is total peace, with the gently moving air of fragrant incense.
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a great poem with a lot of feeling
This is a magnificent poem. I enjoy the free verse and the spacing you have used. I like the way you gradually build up your theme.
I see you have spent a lot of thought with your chosen words e.g 'Slavonic',the 'carnation spice' and the 'barriers'.
A poem full of food for thought with a litle mystery. It is certainly a unique view of peace.
Congratulations.
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The diction in this poem is amazing, it flows like a river pouring into a lake of magnificence."Fragrance embalms the evening" is beautiful.Well done!
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Thank you for your most kind comment.
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I like the cut of your jib... as a poet! Very well written.
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Thank you.
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This has an air of casual persuasion in it, a sort of meandering peace with the thought behind that it could snap at any moment. Very nice. C
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Thank you.
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