Circle, stir and silent whir
of what we see as black,
as light sputtering in blue velvet,
as sunset mallow yellow of her face
pushing back the orange crescent of goodbye.
Fear mongers, in their glory,
watch black holes grow like widened lenses,
curse the clenched fist of pollution
on lovely throat of life,
and grease their palms in our cinched belts
while Orion wages war with growling bears.
Comet’s blazing anger at metal striking iron,
leaving but a momentary swipe of light,
to remind us we are nothing but a speck of dust;
replaceable as molecules
on the very breath of God.
Orbiting is cumbersome with ply and push of gravity;
what is most grave is that small specks think
they can end creation’s greatest gift.
What faith is this, that we would dare to think
he would not take us first?
In a list
A contest entry
- The Poetic Universe by Sprite.
1600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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The word choice in this is beautiful, and the flow is very good. I enjoyed reading this, taking in the picture you painted with words.
Well penned.
~lost
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Thank you for your comments. I think often on what Mother Earth is going through and at what cost.
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Taken as a whole, this is a very interesting poem. Some of the imagery is wonderful like, "the clenched fist of pollution on (the?) lovely throat of life," and "Comet's blazing anger at metal striking iron." I also love the
first stanza.
The only real criticism I have is that the flow is uneven
and could be smoother.
Second stanza: I believe if "holes" is plural, then "lens" should be plural also.
I like this poem's language quite a bit and wish you luck. ~ Joyce
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I love to play with language and I am grateful for your critique so this poem coudl get better.
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Hi!
...this is one of the best ones I've read for this contest.
It's uniform and more sure-footed, has a focus.
"Comet’s blazing anger at metal striking iron,
leaving but a momentary swipe of light,"<---- boy, is THAT a squealing verse of energy
!
Wonderful images whose verses seem to lap nicely to each subsequent stanza. I see the BIG picture in artsy pieces that have purpose that only an Intelligent designer could do ( ahem...whom I happen to KNOW personally
)is exhalted to the heights of heaven.
Supercalifragilistic..expialadocious! Best one-word description for our universe.
Thank you. Excellent!
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As always, I totally admit that Creator is the amster's ahnd and will have and do as it pleases him to do. Ty for your comments. I do appreciate them, pen friend.
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nice write. I like the swirly thing at the beginning of it too. it has me mesmerized but yeah good luck in the contest.
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I loved that swirly thingie too..... I try to use a jpg only once but this one might find its way again onto the page.
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Thank you for entering. I will comment later.
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