I like to see the universe
In the early morning light
Just as the sun is rising
Before it gets too bright
I think my very favorite time
Is in the middle of night
I can see the brightest stars
As they beam down their light
Imagine riding on a star
Out into the atmosphere
Stars that shine like diamonds
Bring lots of love and cheer
Then ride on past the Milky Way
Where wonders of beauty are
Beauty that can not be seen
Unless you're on a star
Ride on by Venus and Mars
Zip past the Moon so round
Then go beyond our Galaxy
Enjoy all the new sights you've found
Discover some new planet unknown
Name it with a name so grand
Bring back a sample of the sod
For it was made by God's own hand
If only we all could travel
Throughout the atmosphere
What wonders and what sights we'd see
And feel our God so near
A contest entry
- The Poetic Universe by Sprite.
1600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Say what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
I noticed on this reading that "new planet unknown" could be "new unknown planet" and it would improve the flow of that stanza.
I have really enjoyed reading this poem.
~ Joyce
-
-
Thank you for your comment. I tried reading it as you suggest and then read it as it is written. I like the sound just as it is written.
-
-
A wonderful journey you take the reader on in this poem. Beautifully written, the rhythm and rhyme are right on.
Well penned.
~lost
-
-
Thank you lost. Your comment is appreciated. Glad you enjoyed the poem...Katie
-
-
This is lovely! has such a nice feel to it and the images are marvelous!
best wishes in your contest.
-
-
Thank you aboomer. I am glad you enjoyed reading my poem.
-
-
First of all, your poem has a fairly nice flow and rhyme. You write with short lines as I have the tendency to do. I would suggest that you try sometimes to lengthen them some (as others have suggested to me.)
I like the whimsy of the idea of riding on a star and seeing all the sights (but think it has been done before.) Originality is always a plus. The poem is very visual and I like that a lot. You made me feel as if I really was traveling through space.
The aspect of your poem that I appreciate the most is the way it ends. I especially like the lines, "Bring back a sample of the sod, For it was made by God's own hand.
Grammar: "your on a star" should be "you're."
Good luck in the contest. ~ Joyce
-
This is great. some rich imagery is booming in this as you take us on a rendezvous throughout the universe. great write.
-
-
Thank you triste elle. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my poem and commenting on it.
-
-
this is traveling in grand style
This is the only way to go and have a good time and see it all...mac
-
-
Thanks mac... glad you like my poem. Next time I'll lasso an extra star and come by Ohio and get you.
-
-
Thank you for your entry. I will be commenting later.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
