There wasn't much to go on, when it came down to the facts
about your leaving. You were gone. That was the 'brass tacks.'
There's things we maybe understand, and mostly, things we don't
so we just go on living, and just knowing that you won't.
But I remember you, so tall in every saddle, John.
I can't let go of memories; is that how you live on?
You trained up every horse I broke. We made the greatest team.
Are things that I remember quite as golden as they seem?
I reckon not. We broke each others noses and our knuckles;
we kept the feud alive with proving who here won more buckles.
It all seems so good natured, to see our mis-spent youth;
to say it plain, you were a pain and that's the simple truth.
I don't look back with wonderin'; you didn't leave me guessin'.
You mostly gave me beatin's, and just now-n-then some lessons
but this time you took somethin' that I can't forget...and won't
'cause last week I had a brother.
Now I don't.
Author notes
Rest in Peace
A contest entry
- A Rhyming Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
600 points, ended August 6, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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You are a damn good poet. This is a fine poem. Sorry I am out of points to clap. I'll give you an I.O.U.
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I am randomly reading people's works, i think this is a spectacular write. I love the flow of it, Keep up the amazing work and thank you for sharing. You have a bless day
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I love reading poetry and yet what I have read so far of yours has been much more than poetry, it has been so real!
The pain from heart and the loss from your soul pulls the tears from mine...death is such an enemy to us all and yet something we must all do
They say time heals and memories soon comfort...I wish the best for you my friend and your happiness to soon return
purring kitten
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Congratulations on the Silver!
Well Done!
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Fucking Christ, it's good to read a rhyming poem that doesn't suck. This was pretty good. It's a good way to start a contest, too, since this was the first entry listed.
About the only critiquing I can offer are a couple of tweaks on lines 10 and 14 (removing the words "here" and "just", respectively), but they're so minor, they're barely worth mentioning. Except I just did. Oh well.
Anyway, I love the way this was written. Sentences flow into each line uninterrupted (rather than the thing of having each line be a whole sentence, or every two lines be a sentence, or whatever), yet the rhythm isn't really affected by it. Good stuff. -
I lost a brother a long time ago. The most painful experience of my life.
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This brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for your loss. The thing I love about your poetry is that it is almost like sitting down and having a conversation with you. On first the first read, I don't seem to really notice the rhyme or meter. I just get caught up in what you have to say. I've been down this road with a friend. I have a vague idea of where you're at right now, but I can't even fathom if it were a family member. Good luck in the contest. My thoughts are with you. -Elaina
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I don't know what to say.
Best trust you know what I would like to say,
while I sit here in your company
with silent empathy.
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"to say it plain, you were a pain and that's the simple truth."
the internal rhyme in this line mixed with the end ryhme pattern is beautiful. Very sorrowful poem.
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Great piece of work. Easy rhymes and flow, like a good walking horse. Restraint in the handling of emotion, so it is felt strongly without overpowering the reader or narrator.
My favourite line 'I can't let go of memories; is that how you live on?' as this is somewhat of a preoccupation of mine - what happens to their memories, when a loved one dies?
Well done, good luck in the contest.
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this is so sad. all those years together severed like that. the rhyming was great but its so sad. Powerful piece
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Wow great flow!! and I love the southern feel I get reading it. the ending blew me out of the water, whoa. eerie.
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This has all the great rhythm & scan that I have come to expect from you Eric. It has a great feel, I bet it would make a great song. It is a nice tribute to your brother. It is a pity it is a little sad because of that. It has a poignancy. Although I don't know what he looked like I can just visualise you & him together. I still fight with my brother, luckily he lives in France. I love 'to say it plain, you were a pain & that's the simple truth', that sums up my brother as well! I really like this.
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Very good piece of work. Good luck in the contest and happier trails.
A fellow kicker
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