I found you passed out on the floor
the note said you wanted nothing more
but I was there to wake you up
brought you to get your stomach pumped
you said you were sorry and I said "sorry's not enough
call me next time things get so tough"
and then, what you said
I will never forget
"I've relied on the fact
that it gets worse before it gets better
but it's been getting worse for as long as I can remember"
then we hugged and I cried
you were brave, your eyes were dry
and it rained so hard that night
far across the great divide
I looked out and saw the light
shining into my blood red eyes
A contest entry
- I'll Cry If I Want To - If You Know Me - 15 hour quickie by CarolDesjarlais.
600 points, ended July 26, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This might be the most horribly depressing and simultaneously uplifting thing I have ever read. It's gorgeous. I'm beyond impressed by you.
Your poetry is everything I wish mine was. Haha, I actually wrote a poem about suicide a few days ago. This makes mine look horrible.
I'm in love with your writing. Get published or something. Now.
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aw thank you so much
I wish I could get published...you're too nice
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Welcome to Allpoetry
You see the thing is... they say that when it doesn't rain, it pours.
But for some people... it doesn't just pour it's an unrelenting thunderstorm. All the time.
You've shown that here very well and I enjoyed reading this heartfelt, honest piece that tugged at my heart.
Welcome to Allpoetry and I hope that you enjoy your stay
Should you have any questions, please feel free to ask me
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Wow....
This was very deep & dark. I could feel this as if I were there.
Powerful write. It makes me want to cry!
I can identify as I suffer from a Dis-ease that has the highest rate of suicide & I know what it feels like to be that depressed. It's always good to know there's someone to turn to & thankfully I have my Savior! Great story line, flow & rhyme!
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thanks very much for the feedback
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I will also include a link to your homepage here at Allpoetry.....
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ok, now this...now this...are you talking about one of my daughters? You know me well...I have always said, "Sorry Is Not Enough'. You must either know me well or read my book.
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you're a powerful writer...and i love the fact that your work just flows so easily when it rhymes...and you just make it look so freaking easy to rhyme so wnderfully and write so awesomely
gosh i envy you!
Dani♥ -
as my buddy Righteousme said. You have a very good style of writing. Very reminiscent of the beat generation.
My favorite part is defintaly the last staza. Its very powerful.
I also like "I've relied on the fact
that it gets worse before it gets better
but it's been getting worse for as long as I can remember"
I cant say how many times Ive felt that way.
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your writing style is all over and i like that... i write similar in a lot of ways... glad i found you... on here... keep writing...
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