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Wrapped { Gold }

Missing image

Paper hearts,

 

Imprinted ..

 

in tattered dreams

Cold chills..

Frozen cloth ripping

 

Torn seams shredded

Piece by piece..


Mimic memories of once was

to chip shop wrapping

Discarded on the floor.

 

Author notes

http://rejectedangel18.deviantart.com/art/Lost-Angel-60947907


30 words.

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was brilliant even in
    such brevity. Words definitely spoke
    volumes here and were perfect for
    the picture.

    Lovely write!

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • SwaGGtastic
    February 9
    Edit | Reply

    StyleLystic

    yeah this is real Nice.. I like this!!

  • Bob Fox
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well

    The thoughts that are in my mind now are one of a lost soul trapped into todays world. A flaks of life are breaking away from her tender heart.


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you write!! This is fantastic!! LOVE IT!!

  • Godwin
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have gone through a host of your poems and one thing stands out - the above-average use of words.Only the one with English as mother tongue could achieve this feat.Keep it up.


    • Reptile Lady gold member
      September 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading my poetry and for this wonderful comment left on Wrapping..
      Much appreciated
      Best wishes to you
      Julie


  • just weak hands
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow O__O can't think of much else to say besides that !

    deep and dark, but magnificently excellent either way. i love how you wrote it- especially the last three lines :]

    great job on the gold ! you deserve it !


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is an extremely deep & dark poem. The last stanza 1st & 2nd lines are like wow. You did an outstanding job with the prompt. too often they are children that are treated like this, its sad and shouldn't be aloud to happen. excellent job on the poem.

    good luck

    kat


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great refernce to "chip shop wrapping" here.. really makes her seem discarded and forgotten! Dark, sad and wonderfully done!


  • Abe 1
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Mimic memories of once was

    to chip shop wrapping

    Discarded on the floor.
    wowza dis group of lines are fab and wowza again
    really do think you have really blown this one wide open
    so good
    abe

  • aaaaaaaa
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This reads so nicely aloud.

    "Mimic memories of once was

    to chip shop wrapping"

    love this line and the soft alliteration. great write.


  • daviscth silver member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your words suit the picture so well sissy. I just enjoy these so much. Thanks for the link and good luck. I love you lots.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh my goodness

    So sad this is and yet I see it oftn myself good write here


  • maralisa silver member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow a brillant take on the promt julie a brillant poem full if great imagery Frozen cloth ripping Torn seams shredded Piece by piece..
    Mimic memories of once was to chip shop wrapping Discarded on the floor.good luck in the contest my friendmarina


  • sailor ptolema
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh i like this. You have thirty carefully chosen words, which create a visual scene without the picture; excellent. Actually; I like your poem a thousand times more than the picture . The only think I can think of that might be changed would be the punctuation. I think you might have too many commas lol. I think that simply pausing at the end of the line will be more than sufficient.

    Great poem Julie

    ~Meg


  • luna-midnight gold member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you gave depth to this picture!
    wonderful write and good luck
    Stephanie ♥

1 - 26 of 26