living in the moment
both dove in head first
oblivioius to all the dangers, and
not scarred enough to fear any hurts
entranced by the beautiful water
we were young, naive, and wild
it wasn't long before we got carried away
and ...POW... we had our own child
immediately she became our everything
figured somehow we'd work out the rest
we vowed we'd give it all that we had
and always tried to deliver our best
we even did the whole white wedding thing,
friends and family celebrated through the night
then we whisked off to our honeymoon
where we had our first week long fight
talk about throwing out money
when we made five, we'd waste away four
hellbent on keeping up with the Jones'
we enlisted plastic to help us burn more
the water started to get choppy
when money flowed so did the love
but when it got down to just coins in a jar
we resorted to pushes and shoves
we drifted away even farther
doing whatever it took just to live
until one of us was just a taker
and one simply had no more to give
soon we were on seperate islands
with an ocean to keep us apart
racing to meet in the middle
only to arrive when it's too late to start
we definetely had our own moments
where everything was sunny and bright
but in the deep sea, a storm was brewing
thundering louder and longer with each fight
drowning, alone, in our own worlds
we let go, then slowly, we moved on
now we're swimming solo in this thing called life
not missing what we lost 'til it was gone...
Author notes
I got pregnant in 1997, married in 2001, and seperated since feb of 07' I assure you I will NEVER marry again...
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt - Quotes by SunDew.
900 points, ended August 7, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me About Your Marriage (contest) by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended March 29, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Phenomenal biote out of reality! This was amazingly penned. I enjoyed your choice of words along every step of the way! Nicely done! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. It's an honor to have you show your work here.
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Thank you for your entry in the contest. A very interesting piece of realism, and a pleasure to read. May your future be a happy one.
All the best in the contest
Sue and Jeff
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Boy have you laid yourself out on the line here. Who could not be but sympathetic for all that you went through So pleased that you found contentment in the end A wonderful if somewhat sad piece with fine rhyme and flow Both a pleasure and pain reading Good luck in the contest
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it is amazing how deep we can go with another until we realize we've made a mistake. thanks so much for entering the contest
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Wow, I am very impressed. Although I do not hope this is something you personally experienced, because this is one thing I fear about being in love at such a young age. I fear that things will take a turn for the worse and we will not last, even though our love now is incredibly strong. You have made me think my friend, I thank you.
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The last moments with that special someone...
Could destroy any heart compared to some.
But because we live to see another day...
We are given a chance to start over in a special way.
Excellent poem for my contest...
Seems to me you have passed my Master's test.
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awwww,this is really good!!!very true
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This poem actually made me all choked up. D: It's so sad. ;_;
"we enlisted plastic to help us burn more"
That's the best line. I like that a lot!
"the water started to get choppy
when money flowed so did the love,
but when it got down to just coins in a jar
we resorted to pushes and shoves"
This part made me sad. That money had so much of an effect on the love you once shared.
"soon we were on seperate islands,
with an ocean to keep us apart,
racing to meet in the middle
only to arrive when it's too late to start
we definetely had our own moments
where everything was sunny and bright,
but deep in the sea, a storm was brewing,
thundering louder and longer with each fight
drowning, alone, in our own worlds
we let go, then slowly, we moved on,
now we're swimming solo in this thing called life
not missing what we lost 'til it was gone..."
These are amazing stanzas. I like the metaphor of you drifting away from each other with an ocean between you and a storm brewing- an eventual divorce, I'm assuming. I like that the ocean represents life. "Swimming solo", very creative. ^_^ "Not missing what we lost 'til it was gone..." No one realizes just how true this statement is. You have a great poem here. Best of luck in the contest and a well deserved trophy in the past. :]
-Lily♥
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I ate up each and every word! I was moved!! what else can I say?? AMAZING JOB!!!!!!!!
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Wonderful
Very creative and a well developed creation. Best of luck in the contest.
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You know I feel this poem it speaks for alot of us.
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Wow! I really felt the emotion in this...first happy, like everything was going to work out, then sad, because it didn't. Sadly, that's usually what happens nowadays. It's sort of what happened to me. I have my own son, who is my life, but the father hasn't tried to even see him. I don't want to get back with my son's father, but I do want him to have a dad to look up to.
This poem pierced my heart. Excellent job!
Thank you for sharing & good luck!
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i loved this. It sort started off all happy you know? And then got kinda sad. Its horrible when something so good, ends so bad. And its true you dont waht you lost until it was gone and its depressing because its you know you had something so good in the first place! This was great and i really felt the story and emotion. Thr rhyme was REALLY GOOD & it really tied the whole piece together, welldone as always - NOT losing your touch !
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your story sounds so much better in rhyme... sad, but simple and maybe like it isnt really yours... sometimes yr objectiveness slays me...
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