"you shouldn't have said it."
"i couldn't help it."
I just wish you knew what it was like on the receiving end.
i just wish you knew how to be a true friend.
"I can't take it anymore"
"I'm tired of being treated so poor"
I can't even remember the last nice thing you said.
I only remember wishing I was dead.
dead because you betrayed me,
dead because you stabbed me.
you stabbed me in the back,
stabbed me with your sharp tongue.
it's all your fault.
you took advantage of me because i was so young.
you thought i wouldn't notice you lying to me,
thought I'd have no reason to believe.
it's all your fault.
you killed me with this deadly assault.
A contest entry
- Poetry, Poetry and PreWrites! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended September 13, 2008, 338 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this is kind of a new style for me so if you have any advice i'd be glad for any help
Comments
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Wow the emotions are certainly here! I think it does have a dark air to it, certainly has venom, whic I love
My only blip is the number of times you've used the words dead & stabbed. There are so many other words out there. For example:
you knifed me in the back,
sliced me with your sharp tongue.
Not so distracting then
Hope this was helpful to you. Neat read, good luck 
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