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replacing a heart

I have brought you this new heart, I think
we set ourselves on fire
more often than we don't
and look at this, I have found
the perfect sickness.

so come on,
come out
of your room.

I know how we can do this
without dying in the process,
this heart
is going to last you
your whole new life.
and if it doesn't
then you can simply
have mine.

Author notes

I adore you

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • redbird
    December 30, 2008
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    i adore this poem, too. fabulous.

  • piggyback
    September 6, 2008
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    I adore this poem.

  • unraveled
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like this.... the style is perfect. the last stanza is the best. but it sinks in a little more each time i read through it. you are worth reading more than one time

    -cassidy


  • the atlantic
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    AWWWWWW QEWT!


  • apples fell
    July 24, 2008

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    Hey you. It's been awhile, I was very glad to see this pop up in my favorites. Very vocal piece, I like the last stanza the most, I think the last three lines are what makes the poem feel, finished. I very much liked the intensity and the rawness behind the language. I do think you might want to work with this line, "more often than we don't", it's the don't ending. Maybe something like, "more often than not", or something like that. As usual, a very personal piece.

    ;


  • adsaige
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Judged

    I believe you are referring to someone else in your author's notes?

    Alas, I feel that there was some of yourself poured into this piece, and I cannot judge you for that. No one can judge upon the emotions you displayed while writing a poem. However, I can say the first line was awkward, and completely contrasting to this piece.

    Please, consider editing. Leave me a message letting me know you have done so, if you so choose, and I will return with further critiques.

    Thank you for entering.
    Good luck.

    P.S. There is a lot of potential in this piece!

1 - 14 of 14