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Dollhouse Madness;

 

Words penetrate
my manipulated,

feeble skin.

 

I tried to tip toe

through the dollshouse

that kept us captive.

Hiding in the darkness

from your bitter tongue.

 

 

Like a needle

through paper-

a fingertip of pressure

broke me.

 

Icy shadows would tear

at my delectable flesh

as arms entwined

themselves around

delicate ribs;

holding my insides together.

 

 

 

Proximity caught us,

wrapped it's bony legs

around our necks:

 

Suffocation between plastic walls

 

and then the words finally sank

into my vocabulary.

 

I let them engulf me and drag me under-

to leave me choking on cold tiled floors.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Words can hurt you so much
when that one person says them.

So it's like 1am..
this is probably crap,
I just wanted to enter this contest =]
I will edit it in the morning!

x

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • yukitosumi
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely (or not so lovely) Imagery

    I loved the imagery of a plastic doll house. This was my favorite line:
    "Like a needle
    through paper"
    I thought it was a fantastic way to describe pressure.
    Good luck in your contest!

  • WanderingOdyssey
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If this is crap, I may need to reevaluate my entire life.

    "Icy shadows would tear
    at my delectable flesh
    as arms entwined
    themselves around
    delicate ribs;
    holding my insides together."

    That part absolutely stunned me. Your imagery is nothing short of incredible and this is a truly beautiful work.

    "and then the words finally sank
    into my vocabulary.
    I let them engulf me and drag me under-
    to leave me choking on cold tiled floors."

    I have never seen that concept layed out so accurately and with such eloquent imagery.
    Excellent!
    -Odyssey



  • letters to no one
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I have yet to find a piece of yours that does not leave me speechless....
    You are sooooooooooooo very talented m'dear.


    "Words penetrate
    my manipulated,
    feeble skin."

    Genius, pure, artistic, genius.

    I love your work so much, do keep writing, no matter what.
    You're so talented!


  • adsaige
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Judged

    Would like to see where you go with this. I see this is mostly in the dirty-pretty style. I understand your concept, but I feel that yes, you can edit this in tremendousy to fulfill the potential that it carries. I will hope to read the completed version.

    Leave a note when it is done.

    Thank you for entering.
    Good Luck.

1 - 5 of 5