Tossed aside like yesterday's news
humiliation questions intention
Pledges of always
succumbs to defiance of heart
rendering me empty
When all I ask
was to be your satisfaction.
Author notes
Forgotten Fairytales deviantart.com 20-50words
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt (PIF) by kiwigirljacks.
850 points, ended July 24, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This hurts.
It is nature that was hurt.
The wind blows you away in pain
To sorrow is written forever
left for there was no cure.
congrats -
Wonderful
Terrific take on the prompt. So very well done. Congrats on the honorable mention.
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Thank you for being so sweet
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Beautifully penned with such sad words. Congratulations on your trophy
gaylene
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Thank you sweetness.
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Nicely done. I like the picture prompt and your poetic treatment of it. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Thanks my dear friend, I always value your input on my attempts at writing.
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Ahh the humiliation that comes from being tossed aside by those we love.. and the lies we succumbed to.. they can indeed render us empty! A very forlorn write that fits the picture! Excellent!
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Thank you so much for HM. Loved the prompts!
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"like yesterday's news"
Clever, CLEVER simile!!! & it's true--who the hell reads yesterday's newspaper after yesterday's..yesterday?
"humiliation questions intention"
Wow, I love that..."questions intentions" really gets to me because intentions often question subconscious intentions & blah blah.
"Pledges of always"
NICE!!
"succumbs to defiance of heart"
Or..."heart's defiance"? I think it sounds better w/o an 'of'.
"rendering me empty"
I LOVE the word 'rendering', but I find it's hard to find a word that flows well with it...I don't think 'empty' has harmony with 'rendering', but this is just my personal opinion...
That last stanza is kind of scathing, bitter & sad all in one teaspoon...
This was freaking awesome & good luck
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Thank you for your kind comment, very much appreciated.
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umm NO this does not suck, on the other hand it speaks volumes in raw emotion. the proper prompt used at a time you least wanted to write. do not discredit the power of writing from your core. this is intense in it's wording, even if subdued. what you've written works extremely well for the prompt, as i can also tell it's from within.
very well done, no mouthwash needed!
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Aww now look what you've done, you've made me feel better already. Thank you big guy! I needed that.
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Sis,
WOW! you know, that last verse..... OYyyyyyyyyy! What a grabber that was for me! I know that feeling well! Awesome take on that picture!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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You're always so nice and kind Nettie dear, even when I don't deserve it. Thank you sweetness..
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c'mon, i know you can do it!!!
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I lost my flow, the devil just stopped by. I'm trying, but it's gonna suck major ass now.
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ewww nice visual, make sure you rinse with mouthwash!
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Sorry, there's my write, like I said it sucks, but can't write after that little encounter.. ex's... can't kill em and get away with it!
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