Within this shell I chafe
Turtling against walls non-existent
Outside of these partitions
An ostrich sniffs clay
Listening to deserted toes scratching surfaces unseen
Complacency outweighs motive
Familiarity breeds silence
Muse stifles; no longer can I turn around
Pinned behind this barricade of self preservation
I linger
Relishing relics of recollected reassurances
Skin parades as husk; lips peel apart like rind
I am but a brace;
Cumbersome— a buttress of my own devises
What argument can be made for solidity?
More kin to bark than kith to kind
What reason can there be to rhyme?
Conversely, I confess to fester,
Pleading absence of blood
While hollow veins echo heartbeats will dutiful ease
Even if I could find my way around,
It would but return me to this stead of origin
And so I stay put
Hardening in shell with no solace of yoke;
A living petroglyph in a carbon cell
Listless
A contest entry
- Crack A Rib by Cannonsfire.
1000 points, ended August 6, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Made me feel that sickly yellowish shade, right before you recycle lunch
It made me feel it and I think that is a must in poetry, if I don't feel it I just don't get it at all. 
C
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I can't tell you how much I so appreciate you not hurlin' and all.
Let me know, should you ever choose to read this again, and I'll make sure sure to have an adequate sized pail handy so you can make the most of your enjoyment.
I'll be ok.
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lol It's a good write, it just ends as I would imagine sickly feels...listless. To make it even stronger just go through and see if you can take out some of the similie words like the 'ands' 'buts' 'for' 'evens' we all use them way too much and it weakens what is a strong piece of writing, lord knows I do it and then have to chase them away.
What I mean is i.e.: (this bit)
hollow veins echo
heartbeats dutiful ease
I could find my way around,
It would return me
to this stead of origin
I stay put
Hardening in shell
no solace of yoke;
A living petroglyph in carbon cell
listless
it says the same but makes it even stronger, if the entire piece was edited as this, it would go from great to awesome And I probably would puke! (in a good way )
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Ahh but I'm forced to disagree. That would upset the flow and the hoppy, jaggedness I think would deter as well. The poem is meant to swell and build upon itself and thus the lines must flow along this same emotional employ... reaching out... taking back... never sure. It's oratory in nature, meant more as modern Shapespeare than modern prose. "This excellent canopy, the air but to me a quintessence of dust", that sort of thing. I loved the puking comment, that was priceless.
Kj
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To error is human.
Comments only after the contest.
Lol
Don't want to loose.
No help for the present
but understand what is said. -
Well it is your piece and for you it is right and I understand that, it still is a very good piece.
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While hollow veins echo heartbeats will dutiful ease...
I do like this one but like Kristy says awesomely good...lots of good lines. and I liked th use of Kith, not too many people know what it means,, it's actually a favorite of mine, kith and kin..
ok brain is shutting down now...time to sleepss for just a bit..
K-
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thanks Krystal.
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This makes me think of a song with the same title... by Susie Suh.
I love the wording (of course) no favorite line to choose with this one... i could not begin..or end.
awesomely done. good luck in the contest.
Kristy
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thanks
I wrote this trying to capture some of yesterday's thoughts but I think it morphed into a bit of a recluse's tangent rather than someone just going through the motions feigning to have a life.
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