Eagle in freefall
claws extend, splash breaks quiet
large fish in death grip
I do prefer the traditional 5-7-5
even thought the rest of my style is nontraditional
in using caps and punctuation.
A contest entry
- Teach me how to write a haiku by notorious.
2246 points, ended August 10, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Ok; i like this to
It creates a very visual image. I can see the eagle; or hawk; or any other bird of prey, for that matter, swooping over the ocean to catch the fish 
yours:
Predator plummets
claws extend, splash breaks quiet
large fish in death grip
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potential edits/guide:
hawk plummets >I picked a specific bird; because i though it might be more
splash breaks quiet visual
as claws grip fish > might even want a smaller phrase here..
what do you think ? They're merely an idea at pruning it down
I think yours is good; but some things can be trimmed down to create a tighter and sharper image.
-tell me if you make edits
-sailor ptolema
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I agree with the specifics
I changed it to Eagle
originally I wanted the alliteration in predator plummets but see that as another title 'fudge'. -
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I'd say just uncap the "E' in eagle and you're good to go
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