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Unsteady Ground

Upon the path that leads to age,
we feel the wrath and deeds of rage.
Unstable cracks within the pavement ,
quaking impacts of depravement.

A binding lath of weeds and sage,
upon the path that leads to age,
with tendrils reaching from the cracks
and trials beseeching parallax.

All deceive, penned in our mind
and then we leave our youth behind.
Upon the path that leads to age,
the aftermath precedes the page.

We have no choice but to grow old.
no spoken voice can thus unfold;
a wrath of trembles seed this cage,
upon the path that leads to age.

 

 

 

Author notes

Quatern:
A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain. The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A quatern has eight syllables per line. It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme
scheme.
S1 refrain is L1
S2 refrain is L2
S3 refrain is L3
S4 refrain is L4

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • tara wilson gold member
    July 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think it is very hard to write a form like this with a refrain and state new meaning in each stanza with the same words, and not have it sounding so redundant.

    Your imagery is excellent, but I do find you are stating the same thing in each stanza, and not bringing any depth or introducing new thought & layers to the poem....I'm sorry, Amera..it is only my opinion..

    thanks so much for entering...


    • Amera gold member
      July 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ok, thanks for reading. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I removed it.

      • tara wilson gold member
        July 28, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        you did not waste my time AT ALL, Amera...please don't feel that way I look after people who are elderly & enjoyed this read a lot...and I should have included that in my comment, as well....but what I was honest about in my first comment, was truly how I felt when reading the poem, but maybe I just missed something.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As you know, I know little about form, but I really love this form! I think the repetitive line is such a great thing as long as it's strong and holds meaning in each stanza and yours most certainly does!!

    This holds so much truth about the journey of life we all take... as rocky as it may be at times.

    Amazing as always!


  • Faeryn
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is awesome; I love the repeating line. How did you write this so well? You aren't old...lol
    Love,
    Tay


  • zochit2me gold member
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    viewed by judge 7/25/08


  • And Hyetal
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant as usual, Amera! Your choice of line for the refrain was beautiful, and your imagery was great.



    ~Cassie


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sis, line 9 is the odd-one-out, starting on a stressed syllable instead of an unstressed (add "All" or "The" at the beginning of the line, for example, and you'll have cracked it!). I know that the poem does not have to be iambic, but all the rest of it is.

    This is very clever, very carefully-constructed, and it contains a deal of profundity of thought. Well done.


  • Kiran silver member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A brilliant form and a wonderfully written poem; great language and imagery.


  • Poetic-Theorem gold member
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    Yet another masterpiece sweetie.
    I have been gone for awhile but it's nice to be back
    You leave me breathless everytime you write
    *sigh*
    I love you talent
    I wish you the best in the contest
    Peace and love

    David


  • StarEyes
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sis,

    No matter you write, no matter what your message, you never cease to amaze me! This is amazing! I love it...
    The title is soooooo perfect for this one, as that is how life goes.

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • HisDirtyLiLPoet
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Impressive, my dear one. You should blow the panties right off the others in this contest! Perfect pen!


  • PerVirtuous
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There was an auspicious young sage
    Who decided that he wouldn't age.
    When given inquiry,
    He spoke of his diary,
    "I simply stopped turning the page."

    A wonderful example of a quatern. The ideas of this are very astute and should crush this contest, however, with age comes a wholly new perspective which is beyond the two points of a parallax. There also comes a sweet senility where you realize that things you once thought were big problems are not such a big deal if you can't remember them. Bravo for this. Have three bunnies.




  • cricketjeff gold member
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    And how would you know?
    I haven't left youth behind yet so for you it is an unimaginable distance away!

    Oh and great poem

    Jeff

1 - 15 of 15