“Kanchhima”, you’re there in heaven and now
We miss you more than words can ever say,
But you’re forever in us – ask me how:
Memories won’t leave – they’re bound here to stay.
We remember you making us nice food,
You’d plead with us to have more – O, could we?
I’d give my life to get it back to good;
God called you – we were compelled to agree.
All your life were you busy with something
Living each day keeping your nerves quiet;
You’d open your door for the bell we’d ring,
And tell us to sleep when we were tired.
Once you were very sick. Our Great Grandma!
We recall you though you’re away too far.
Author notes
Written 2nd July, 2008 (Tue)
In Loving Memory of our Grandmother "Kanchhima" (1927-2008)
A contest entry
- Grandparents by Animals.
369 points, ended August 30, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
-
beautiful poem about a beautiful person.
-
It took me a while to get to this and i regret it now, loving word for someone you loved very much, keep it flowing.
-
it seems very personal i was very close to my grandma to good job.
-
I like this poem I know what your going through my grandma just died a few months ago
-
Beautiful poem full of sentiment thankyou for sharing
-
obviously your mother was extremely loved and hopefully is in a better place.
i'm sorry for your loss, but optomistically, look at what you have written. it is a sweet piece of work ^___^ i'm sure that if she ever read it, she would probably be proud of ur work.
also, lmao, go you commenting back on your poetry comments. i like how you stood up for your ideas.
-just a thought- ^__^
tricia -
This is such a sweet poem I can tell it was written from the heart!! I enjoyed reading this!!
-
Amazing
You have a true way with words. Great job and I can truely see that your grandmother was loved.
-
sad sweet i bet your grandma would have loved to know how missed she is
-
wow
this is something new for me to read very good in take on what you want people to see and feel i love it
-
This is a really touching heartfelt write about a truly special person. Sorry for your loss. This is a really beautiful piece, and a fitting tribute. Nice job with the rhyming.
-
Wow, this is very powerfully written. Even though she may be in heaven you know a piece of her is with you now. Great job on this. I wish you good luck in the contest.
-
So sweetly said...
A fine tribute poem for a darling grandmother.
Your grandmother may well be your close-by angel now, who enjoys your company and still loves you very much. 
-
Thank you for sharing this! It brings back such fond memories of my own grandmother who we called, "nana". She was precious to all us kids. Pam
-
The memories you have penned here are really sweet. I'm sorry you lost your grandmother. The poem you came up with, however, is really sweet. The rythm and rhyme wasn't as good as it could have been, but you took the challenge of rhyming, and did pretty nicely.
-
Great Poem!!
I loved the poem!!I also bet she would have loved the poem as well. I have also lost my Grandma so it got to me.Great Job!!
-
How sad. I'm so sorry that you lost your Grandmother. I love your poem and the memories inside it. I can relate with it, as one who has lost a family member I was close to.
-
It's a nice poem. very thoughtful =]
-
Haha, I totally missed the fact that it was a sonnet. At least some of my previous suggestions don't change the syllabification.
If it is a sonnet though, you have some rhyming issues to fix in stanzas 3 and 4. Your f's and g's are off.
The form is actually ababcdcdefefgg, so strictly speaking, there should be no blank lines in between each four lines. -
My favorite line:
"God called you – we were compelled to agree."
Consider changing:
"And tell us to sleep while we were tired."
to:
"And tell us to sleep when we were/got tired."
Consider changing:
"I’d give my life to get you back to good;"
to:
"I'd give my life to get you back for good;"
Consider changing:
"We recall you though you’re away too far."
to:
"We recall/remember you, though you're too far away."
Consider changing:
"“Kanchhima”, you’re there in heaven and now"
to:
“Kanchhima”, you’re there in heaven and now."
Consider changing:
"All your life were you busy with something"
to:
"All your life were you busy with something."
"We miss you more than words can ever say,"
I remember I once used "words cannot describe" or something like that in a poem about music. I received a comment that stuck in my head. It went something like: it's our job as poets to express with words the inexpressible. Just a thought~
I noticed that you followed a specific rhyme scheme up until the third stanza. This may have been unintentional, but in case you didn't know, you can fix it if you feel up for it.
Likewise, if you want to keep the entire thing a rhymer, you could try changing the last stanza to a couplet.
My specific suggestions are aimed primarily at making everything sound more natural.
All in all, this was a touching poem.
I'm sorry for your loss. -
-
First of all, thanks for commenting. ... About the poem, well, "Grandma" and "Far" are not full rhymes. That must suggest GRANDMA isn't too "far". As for the rhyme scheme, the poem is in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet so it was all intentional. The last stanza still makes a couplet I think. "More than words can ever say" means this poem is just a small fragment of HOW MUCH WE MISS HER. Once again, thanks to you and ALL who left me a comment. Manish
-
-
Regardless, "quiet" and "tired" don't rhyme.
I don't think Shakespeare ever wrote sonnets with partial rhymes, but if assonance works for you, go for it.
Oh, and you might want check your iambic stresses. -
-
Half rhymes can sometimes sound better than full rhymes like "quiet" and "tired", "means" and "since".
There are a whole lotta poets who followed his style and not all of them used full rhymes. It's not necessary to make an exact copy of his pattern.
---Just a thought---
-
-
-
-
NICE
this is really great. I wrote several poems in the passing of my mom when i was 11. So i can relate to loosing someone. Great Job and keep writing!
-
this is a beautful poem in her memerory
well done -
Very nice tribute to Grandma!
This is such a sweet poem in memory of a great, fondly remembered Gram! I like the poem's rhythm and construct, it's so melodic! The rhymes you have emphasize the feeling this poem shows! Good job!
-
Hey
This is a very touching poem and I can relate to this very much
-
RIP Grandma Kanchhima
i'm sorry about ur grandma !i'm sure that she would have loved this poem, i know i did!it touched me in every way! well written.
-
Lovely
Oh how I love grandmama...well put. Makes me feel almost choked up.
-
Lovely write here
Oh memories of those past we so loved does bring them home often and a memory is a hug indeed . For I believe when memories come to mind and brings a smile you so can feel their presence about you indeed.Lovely write here
-
Grandma's lest we never forget
Grandma's leave the greatest legacies. caring and beautiful
-
such sweetness, this poem has an endearing quality.
-
Memories won’t leave – they’re bound here to stay.
i love this... i'm sure your grandma did read this and she is proud
-
awww. it shows how much u loved your grandmother!!! great write. awesome flow. im so sorry your grandmother has past away but shes in a happier place now
-
This shows what you can really do Manish!
And I Love it 11/10 -
"But you’re forever in us – ask me how:
Memories won’t leave – they’re bound here to stay." love this line! amazing
this is sad but happy at the same time! great job
-
Wow this is truly beautiful, and I wish you all the best in my contest.
Thank you for your entry,
Animals -
I think it's really good that you use your gift to write poetry to remember your grandmother...
-
This is truly a beautiful poignant tribute to someone who had an impact in your life,we lose our loved ones but they are not gone,they are looking down from Heaven on us and will always be in our hearts,God Bless,Hazel
-
very good tribute.. made me cry a little bit. Made me think of my grandma she died years ago 11 to be exact and i can still smell her blueberry pancakes cooking on sunday morning.. great write hon keep on penning!
-
A lovely tribute to your loved one. they are always with us.
-
a good piece of poetry which flows smoothly along, ah to honour those we love, it is always a good thing to do in poetry, to show how much we care for them even though they may have left.
Adding your comment:
1 - 42 of 42
