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Happy

You are 6 now,
A coloring book,
A set of water color,
And a Hug.
That's all it takes to make u Happy.

I am 38,
Have everything one can posses,
Can buy the children's department in the hypermarket,
Or maybe the entire hypermarket,
But does that make me happy?

You are 6 now,
A coloring book,
A set of water color,
And a Hug.
That's all it takes to make u Happy.
That's the only time I feel Happy.

A contest entry

Dear all I am very new in weiting, knows nothing about poetry. Scribling whatever is coming to my mind. Please guide and let me know ur feedback.

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Comments


  • Lencio Rodrigues
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very touching write too, specially the end, children need simple things to make them happy, and look at us grown ups, nothing sometimes can make us happy. I guess I know what this is all about and for whom it is written, nice thoughts and so true.

    Lencio

  • shelly webster
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well welcome to the world of writing poetry! I like how you have a raw sort of freeverse style. I like that very much, but try throwing in some more adjectives, to describe and enhance, and more emotion from you on the situation. Detail the situation that you're writing about and add how you feel in there too. Because the only time I really knew how you were feeling was at the end, when you stated that makes you happy. Think of different ways to describe happy. It gives you that fluttery butterfly rush or an ever-present smile of admiration. That would all imply a sort of happiness. I think you could rewrite this and turn it into more. Also, it is unappealing to the eye when there is spelling mistakes or if you use text speak like "u" or "r". It looks.. tacky when people do that, so try and keep that one in mind! Keep writing!

    Thank you for entering.

    • sanjaymajumder
      August 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks....

      HI,
      A big thanks to you for your time. As I have mentioned I am very very new to this whole writing thing, so I will need a lot of guidance. Whatever you have mentioned were really helpful and gives a lot of encouragement. And I guess my mistakes actually are shouthing like "this guy is a novice." Anyway with such friends I am sure I wil be better soon.