You see.
You're so sweet, you seem so sweet.
Like my favorite candy.
Its so tempting
to be deluding in my mouth.
For once I'd like to have a taste,
a lick,
a sugar coated peck.
It makes my tongue dance.
I'd remove your pants
so easily.
Your wrapper says it all.
Let me see your devil's tail.
Just to pick and prick from you.
I'd like to thank myself
when I thought you up
and took you in to my cell.
I'm under your influence, I feel I'm underage.
and I'll lick the salt. Lick it over your vanilla flesh.
I'll get in...
Let me in...
I'm not one to beg, but you're so sweet.
Author notes
its soo lust all combined in a
huge red and black swirl.
hope you like!!!
i chose this background because i wanted to make it seem like a diary entry.
like something people are not supposed to read. its a verry passionate and secret thought. ;D
- A Dirty Pretty Group group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Your Words Were Bullets And I Was Target Practice by EvenStarsBreak--x.
450 points, ended August 11, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seduce me by im dead - go away.
460 points, ended December 29, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Hot" is only skin deep by xXCadyBabbiXx.
700 points, ended February 15, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Questions, Comments, Concerns?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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that doesnt make my mind go wild in thoughts, way to make the imagination flip out...its totaly awsome...and yes..the backround does add a good touch....
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Amazing. Very Very well written. love it
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this is really sweet. the form sort of has a bit of desperation that makes me want to read it really fast. this is a hardcore write. good job! <3
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I found this kinda of cliche, for a sensual write... the "salt on your neck" phrase, and the overall metaphor, I have seen quite a few times before in pieces like this...
...it just didn't have anything "fresh" to it for me.
I thought you had a good flow and great line breaking... I just needed something more.
Thanks for the entry. -
I liked the idea of this. I think metaphor is a great coupling for erotica, and candy is a good tie in. I think, though, it could be a little better articulated. You might want to come back to this someday and smooth out the kinks and accentuate the curves of this.
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god, mouths watering
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Whew, is it hot in here, or is it just this poem? =P haha.
I love this. It's playful, yet passionate. Great write.
<333
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Very well written, simply amazing. =] It was quite interesting to read, I found it to be unique. Great poem. Thank you for the entry.
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