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crickets

crickets chirp
to nature's symphony
summer night love

Author notes

Twelve years writing haiku

A contest entry

Smile... all the while...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • sailor ptolema
    July 24, 2008

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    yours:

    crickets chirp
    to nature's symphony
    summer night love


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    my possible edits:


    summer
    the crickets chirp
    at night

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    what do you think of my edits? Your original haiku; while lovely; was a little too metaphoric I thought... I think my edits my create a better snapshot; but still leaving room to hear the symphony

    -tell me if you make edits

    -sailor ptolema


  • individuality gold member
    July 24, 2008

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    a good poem which skips the light fantastic and dives into smiles with ease. i have not heard a cricket in time, the lazy swines lol


  • notorious gold member
    July 24, 2008

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    I love that you didn't capitalize the beginning or any part...your experience in haiku is apparent.

    I think a dash could be used after 'symphony'.. To make...have more of an "Aha!" feel.

    Thanks for entering.