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One Stormy Night...


I faded like an umbrella;
your misty downpour devouring
resistance
in steamy sheets
of passion



I held order over your head
but you fell,
chaotically



Droplets traced
discordance
'neath my silken skin;
wetness poised
for trembling



I pulled you in



Electric ardor
sparking stormy
tension;
lips pursed
to wait



you wouldn't



echoes struck the pavement
& I strolled by,
our gasped breaths
receding...



A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • trekkergirl
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow now this sounded very hot to me. Also, congrats on the trophy. Great job in getting that one. You definitely have a wonderful flow to this poem and it definitely kept my interest. Thanks for entering it in my contest.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good indeed! Love the metaphors, especially 'echoes struck the pavement' Superbly penned, good luck


  • Funluvingrl16
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    remember...center align


  • ronnica
    July 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Quite a storm you brewed up, quizzing my mind, and I like the way it is spaced out, V good


  • rollingzen
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done

  • Mysteriously Sincere
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love it! The flowing descriptions really make this an enjoyable piece!


  • Never Fall in Love
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I said it already - bloody brilliant work!

1 - 10 of 10