snow-covered streets
crunch-
footprints
Author notes
I like writing haiku, it find it easier to roll with. These follow through both traditional and modern (5-7-5 rule or plain free versed).
A contest entry
- Teach me how to write a haiku by notorious.
2246 points, ended August 10, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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cupcakes-
scattering snowflakes
touch my nose
That's my rewrite for your first one. I have no idea how to write a haiku...Something like that, anyways. Meghan will help me out
BUT...haiku shouldn't be capitalized, as yours are. -
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Yes, thats true, but capitalizing things makes me feel... I don't know... complete?
mmm cupcakes.... =DD -
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Tell me if you decide to change it...basic rules of haiku that I've learned so far:
-PHYSICAL imagery should be present in every line...this one's a biggie.
-no capitalizations or periods
-5.7.5. isn't something you should try to adhere to, but if it happens coincidentally, cool!
-the title tends to be the very first line of your haiku
-there should be an "Aha" moment that surprises the reader of what you're talking about.
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LOL thanks for the feedback. An "aha" moment? sounds like something Mrs. Ross would have. If it pleases you oh mighty King Rey I shall change it.
Physical imagery? so if i said there was a cupcake running down the street would that work? lol yes, my fantasy would include the invasion of the tasty street cupcakes.
Alright, so i'm starting not make sense right about know.You know, if i could have entered a pre-write, i think my Starbucks haiku would have much appropriate. mmmm starbucks. -
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A cupcake running down the street would be using personification, which you should abstain from (I couldn't believe this either when myron told me...LMAO)
It has to be an OBJECTIVE observation...not an opinion (so your opinion of Starbucks would be biased, & not a "real" haiku).
Prewrites aren't allowed...duh!
Just change these ones to match all those guidelines I wrote above (even though there are like what, a million of them?)
I'm not sure if you understood what I meant by an "Aha" moment..maybe you did or maybe you didn't, but just in case:
It's something that surprises the reader--you begin off with something (e.g. a cupcake) & then it's something else entirely (e.g. scattered snowflakes/touch my nose)
No metaphors preferably...no personification. No capitalization in the beginning or periods! Physical imagery bouncing in EVERY SINGLE LINE.
Holy hell. I hope you're still reading.
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I stopped at about prewrites, LOL jokes no i read it all.
alright, so i just finished eating 4 pieces of pizza, and thus, have no energy to make changes at the moment. So maybe tomorrow or Sunday, I'll either change it or just write a new one. But thanks I'll follow your guidelines.
A cupcake running down the street? Personification? Well i never listened in my french immersion English class, but i do know something about that sentence. It sure sounds tasty! -
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It does sound tasty, but everything has to be objective observation & non-biased...it would help if you wrote about something you'd actually seen, but it's not necessary.
There are like, a gazillion guidelines...memorize them
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So if i did write about coffee, that would be fine? Not in a bias way but you know with physical imagery?
Dude i could probably memorize them, seeing as i have so much empty room in my head. -
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I suppose...
e.g.
fragrant petals
stirred coffee in-
a mug
Okay...that's my 5-second, very bad example of what an unbiased haiku about coffee would be. There's a (lame) "Aha" moment found when you discover the thing that smells so damn good is coffee in a mug.
So yes, you could write coffee in an unbiased, observant way with physical imagery...no forgetting the "Aha" moment & letting go of punctuation! -
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AHA! that might be a bit hard for me, but i shall provide, with all my ability an unbiased and observant, coffee haiku!
For the PH GREAT, MASTERFUL, HER MAJESTY, KING JESSICA "REY REY" POONTAILS!
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I don't think a haiku is supposed to have personification (e.g. caressed to sleep).
I really like some of your chosen words, but I don't think it should be in a haiku.
OH Jesus, what do I know? Let Sailor Ptolema handle the technical aspects.
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Thanks for the feedback, I completely changed it, I hope you guys don't mind. I took your advice, Sailor Ptolema, and I went for a walk. But my neighborhood is so busy. The only things I really saw were traffic, bees going wild, and dried grass. So I decided to write about my favorite season, winter. The perfect time for baking cupcakes =D
So, if you guys don't mind, just take a second read, and point out anything else i could do to make it better.
much thanks =DD -
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You should REPLY to a user's comments if you want the other user to see them!!
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Bittersweet thoughts of
iced tea and lemon cupcakes
first breeze of spring.
The greedy beast does
devour life, to create life
life, death born in fire
Haiku's simple verse
shattering and pointed like
glass shards laced with words.
hmmm; these are a little to enigmatic to be 'ku I learned that as well from myron.
You should pic a tiny slice of life and write about it...here's an example: this is my haiku :
--> what i saw
wasps hover
in damp grass
a sparrow swoops
--> It's a small moment, that says a lot (at least I hope it does )
so maybe; go look in your backyard and just go for a little walk ...watch a ladybug or a snail or a leaf fall... and capture a moment
-let me know if you make edits
-sailor ptolema
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Ladybugs are scary Roo...=[
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Yea I'm a bit afraid of them too lol!
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Not like sunflowers though...meh, they're about the same
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Oh God, like the flower books in Mrs. Lee's class. *shivers* LOL that reminds me of "Think of them dangling in your face!" ahahaha.
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LoL ew...
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Haiku (as I'm learning when I keep failing the first class) is more than just 5-7-5 & usually doesn't conform beyond that.
I liked the first haiku's imagery, but I didn't think it was a real haiku. (I liked the imagery for obvious reasons).
"does devour life"
Sounds a tad awkward.
"death born in fire"
I like this, but I don't think it belongs in a haiku. Metaphors are not a huge thing in haiku. It's more literal & ... deep, like a reader can interpret it differently, but it's never a metaphor.
Thanks for entering Karena
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