Three days I've been unvisited
by the Lord of Dreams,
the Sandman.
I haven't drifted to his realm
of pain and pleasure,
mystery and truth,
in fear of missing
the time of living.
For each moment that draws near,
I feel more unaccomplished
and fearful of the hour glass -
coming to it's last grain of sand,
calling upon the Sandman
riding up to claim me,
begging me to stay in the timeless kingdom
of never ending dreams,
that I just can't keep away from.
Author notes
I am infatuated with the Sandman.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I liked this one because for me, I can imagine this happening as I fall to sleep, spinning, this poem plays in my mind.
Lovely write.
-
This was very dreamy and I liked it a lot. It was dark and had almost evil undertones to it, like he has bad intentions or something.
The ending stanza was great and I wouldn't change a thing, but the first couple stanzas fall victim to "telling instead of showing" blah blah A suggestion, maybe instead of just saying "pain and pleasure" explain WHAT the pain and pleasure is... show us what you see, don't just explain the situation to us. I hope I'm making sense 
Either way, great job and good luck in the contest 
Jeanette*~
-
-
I totally agree with you there. I could defiantly show more... You see, I'm pretty good with 'showing' in stories, but poetry it a bit more difficult for me (I just started writing poetry, say, three days ago? So I'm new.
). Thank you so much, I truly appreciate your critiques. They'll help me out so much!! <3
-
-
Very deep and strong, this is like a dream, a mix of everything, our hopes and fears, that place or moment in time
-
-
Thanks
Yeah, I was also trying to get the point in that it isn't good to dream all the time, you've actually got to get up and do whatever it is that you want to do. That seems to be a problem I have. -
-
Yeah, sometimes it's just so hard sometimes to do what we want to do...
-
-
-
well written
Good read thank you, Boog -
-
Thank you very much
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
