Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

_____________________-are its ingredients

Has this dirt
enveloped my body
due to my mistake
or by the environment
with which I unwittingly compete?

This dirt smells nasty
as if the hands
of a tainted person do normally smell.
I 've to immediately
get rid of this bad smelling,nasty dirt

Have
I to wash it with a detergent
that washes the dirty linen?
or with a pure heart
that cleanses all the world
with just one word My lord!
Integrity and morality are its true ingredients
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Author notes

soap...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • jackreed3 gold member
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice... but dirt is heavens grass... in my point of veiw... no disrespect though... Earth is Gods mass.. we are just like an ant.. What matters ... life or death... ???
    Your friend in Poetry... JackReed3...


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    SO TRUE MY FRIEND..I AGREE WITH YOU ..YOU SKETCHED THE WORDS OF THE TRUTH...I LOVE IT AND THANKS FOR THE ENTRY..


  • BonnieQ silver member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good Points . . .

    to ponder.

    I would point out improper punctuation: exclamations where ? marks should be, and question without punctuation; punctuation in the midst of a sentence causing an incomplete thought, which disrupts flow and rhythm. In poetry, punctuation is either used correctly or not at all: good word use and flow reveals emotion much more so than an exclamation point.

    You might also reevaluate line 2 of the first stanza: "enveloped on" is redundant, dirt is either "enveloped" or "on...my body." This passage also is problematic: "by environment I am forced to vie with" -- Suggestion: "or by the environment with which I unwittingly compete?"

    Redundancy is one of a "Writers' Seven Deadly Sins." You might want to read such article listed somewhere on my A/P webpage.

    Note the last stanza: "just one say" -- "say" implies many words yet God can speak just one or merely breathe something into being; so, you might want to rephrase the line. Suggestion: "just one word" or "just one breath."

    Nevertheless, to write praises and God's Truth makes you a winner already. I really like the message you are presenting, for it is thought provoking.

    Much love in Christ, BonnieQ