then you just can’t
be the other window
some passengers
stare out of
or blink too
hard to miss.
miss what’s-her-name
on the train
to eastern time.
they shake their
heads and say no,
she is the suitcase.
the one that
sometimes gets
lost at baggage
claim,
the same cranky
wheel and obscene
color as the other
crazies.
this is how
they feel about her;
that the birds will
peck away any
fruit c-sectioned
from the folded
corners of her
sequestration.
then the bridges
will flap up
and the fish will
all die without
water.
but she thinks
that this is good
news,
all things
considered.
Author notes
A response to cannibalfruit’s poem “untitled”
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4437775
I tried to write off the emotions depicted in "untitled", but I do in no way claim that the feelings portrayed in this poem belong to its author.
A contest entry
- BRIDGES by Swan song.
450 points, ended July 27, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice is welcome
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I want to tell you I feel this was a very high qulaity write and feel i should say something because the poem did get my attention Well done
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an excellent poem. I do not see where this fits the prompt of the contest but I will tell you I enjoyed reading it very much.
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i friggin loved this... and i loved the poem you were writing off of... the picture you paint for me with this piece is one of me ... on a bus, train, plane to anywhere... and me the funky ugly luggage that gets dragged along... your talent is obvious...
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yummy.
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wow you really know how to pick up something and go, girl.
do you make quilts and collages?
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not really, though sometimes I make my own clothes if that counts? lol
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I love your piece and hers, so, I think it's good. I like how you put your own spin on things, very nice work. The fifth stanza down is awkwardly beautiful, but in a good way. I love those word choices. Especially "sequestration", a great word. Your stuff is so refined. Clean writing Khourey.
;
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thanks. it means a lot coming from you.
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wow, i can't believe you actually did this. i'm flattered.
the fifth stanza is incredible. the imagery there is...wow. very cool. i feel like the 'this is how they feel about her;' is a lot like the beginning of my poem. i really like that, and how you wrote yours as a direct continuation of mine, like the poem never even stopped. it makes them sort of bleed into eachother.
i like the first stanza a lot too. this is so cool. -
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I was really hoping it would stem like a continuation. something about your poem really just inspired me. I'm glad you like it.
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