Greatness your wild felicity
shines Life in all meanings
and Soul.
Wholeness of breath
love for you Beauty
is all-ways,
devastates to move me as wave.
Mine given a reach for the Sun
discard all lists of superlatives
wrecked in scrunched paper
leaps me blind in -dependance
merely each moment borrowed.
Poor mad creature incapable
in love more than reach
for you, where we find us,
prove me to be here;
All fertile Earth and Sky
eat, walk and breathe
giving this man back to be.
Receptive Ocean,
my children, Life Giver
setting fire ever new to these eyes.
Woman... my Soul, my desire,
show me how to kiss
kill me, from partial to whole.
Will destroyed by your glances,
lost in your face
I impress upon canopy
so large behind infinite stars
before thought began
from deep hearted well
yearned for even while holding,
closer than now, blood and breath.
Blaze away my chest
with your breasts,
make molten heart fluent in form
inspired by the seizing
bodies shape in their bliss
substance of non-existence
heavenly indestructible.
Words only fall less you catch them
sew them to your gown,
pointing becomes mad
we are everywhere!
How can I not seize?
Thinking has gone,
our Mystery sheer
Truth held in rapture
all grand into Life.
Given to be me, all activity,
and yet your absence my void.
Where would breath go
where would it aim?
My own muddied rib
we were, before water and clay
never know (who we are)
still exposed in the endless,
generous to polish your body
within which you make beauty ours
all becomes, living mirror's display.
Ever beyond your name
no word, no image, no sign
envelopes you.
Heart inconceivable,
yet given as stolen Complete
Woman you are me.
In a list
A contest entry
- Word Prompt - "Woman" by Lucy..
2000 points, ended August 5, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Woman... my Soul, my desire,
show me how to kiss
kill me, from partial to whole.
Thinking has gone,
our Mystery sheer
Truth held in rapture
all grand into Life.
Given to be me, all activity,
and yet your absence my void.
Where would breath go
where would it aim?
My own muddied rib
we were, before water and clay
Yes. You have a way of casting a spell with your words. Taking too big of a bite, kind of thing.
Something about your word choice lends itself so well to the picture you're painting.
Words only fall lass you catch them...no kidding, huh?
Congratulations on your silver.
jin
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... Well thanks for your way of catching them jin,
very much appreciated.
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"Words only fall less you catch them"...*sigh*...I have no words...maybe one...overwhelming...in a good way ...awesome! Peace, Rhonda
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Wow, that was stunning. My favorite lines were
"Will destroyed by your glances,
lost in your face
I impress upon canopy
so large behind infinite stars"
This is very romantic and well written. I can defidently see why you won a trophy
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sweeeeeeeeet
well written...you touched my heart with such words! speechlesss i am for such a master piece I felt every line in this poem amazing! a for a well written poem
juliet
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Congratulations... on your silver..
You said so very much...
equally as beautiful
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Thank you Liza
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Woman... my Soul, my desire,
show me how to kiss
kill me, from partial to whole.
There is so much here, I can’t even begin to comment on it all…(and no, that doesn’t mean I think it’s too long!) It reads like your own internal contemplations of what ‘woman’ means to you, so I think the length is perfectly appropriate.
Far too many favourite lines or stanzas to point them all out, I will just say that I love your view as a whole. And, most of all, your ending is fantastic! A poem in itself.
Thanks so much for your entry.
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Thank YOU so much!
... you held and judged a fantastic contest!
and I'm full of admiration X
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well how can i not love this when it has my name in it
it's deep as it is wide and the length of time it peruses and adds layers to, is just beautiful
complete and beatimous
yes
Gilly.xx
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Heh' Didn't think of that...
yes 'Woman', I think you mean
Thank you so much Gilly!
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Speachless I am, this is poetry at its best!
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Greatly honoured
Thank you for such a generous comment!
Sol
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Your woman is love
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Thank you... I hope so,
She is to me,
the love and the beauty loved
and this no other than the One Reality of All.
If anything of this is seen here then I am really happy
as that was the intention.
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Well I can't speak for anyone else but myself, but I see it for what that's worth.
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Well 'that' is worth very much, to me!
Thank you
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I still have no critical comment... I'd have to get beyond my disconnection to your words to do it, and I have yet to figure out a way to do that..
All I can say at this point is that this 'woman' is beyond me. And likely always will be
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Yes, 'beyond' always beautifully beyond, exactly just like that for me too.
And yet can be 'tasted' and yearned for.
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I must return to this at a later time.
Right now I am getting ready to eat.
At the latest, probably tomorrow.
I like a lot of what I see here is
what I can tell you now.
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Thanks James
and no rush, just wanted to let you know it was here.
There's a week before the end of the contest.
Will you also be entering, I wonder?
So happy that you like what you see on first impression.
Sol -
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I'm not sure I will be able to enter. I thought about it, but I'm having some trouble being...creative at the moment. It's just one of my little humps that all writers go through I guess. Now, let me see. I have a few things to mention, it's not much critically, but it's all I found. I think this might read better worded like this:
"Will destroyed by your glances,
lost in your face, I impress upon canopy
behind infinite stars." - the word "canopy" right
next to "behind" seems awkward, it's a movement thing you may want to consider. I fell in love with the language here, especially the little detils strewn throughout, the reversal of characters and self. My impression though is that it does seem to feel a little winded, almost as though the ideas were starting to stretch a little too much, if that makes sense.
Don't get me wrong, I love longer poems, but I think this one could have a few stanza's clipped slightly to add that guided intensity more into the piece. I love your last stanza so very much and stanza twelve, the seizing one. If this is truly my only gripe, one little movement problem and a question of length, then I'd say you have something quite shiny here. I mean granted the first three lines don't seem as powerful as the rest, but I know you had to begin somewhere.
This is a fine read. Proving further why you are one of my favorite reads, here, and elsewhere. Hope this comment is somehow helpful. Glad I could stop by this early morning. Talk to you later.
;
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Thanks so much diamond!
... I'm working on it.
Yes, speak later
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I have no critical comment
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Dam!
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Wow Karim,
Very impressive piece..maybe one of your best ever..if you allow me to say so..
and Ohhhh if just all 'men' in this earth appreciate the 'woman' the way you do..
You gave so much justice to the prompt...you killed it
'Woman... my Soul, my desire,
show me how to kiss.
Kill me from partial to whole.'
I need to take deep breath..this is not just one time read..
No need to say best of luck in contest..this just stands alone ..Excellent Karim!
Ruby
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I knew you would do something beautiful with this prompt. This is breathtaking, and insightful, and just.. heartening.
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Much thanks Suzanne... really, this one had me trembling.
Sometimes making too precious can make blind and in looking back over this one, sometimes, all I could see was a long list of words.
So glad to have your indication that something of the intention is shining through!
Please... always know that if you have any suggestions or critique, you know I'd love to hear it.
It's a bit flippin' long isn't it! ... Isn't it? ... maybe not.
Sol
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Can't wait to see your entry here Karim..just posted mine..
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better you than me...
I don't understand the word
looking forward to what lands here
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Can't wait to see
what comes into this space.
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You diamond... but actually I'm quaking in my boots!
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LOL. You'll do fine.
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Well it's arrived in present form...
I must be honest... I'm so looking forward to your eye on this, when you have time, as I know it's a little long. Your critique is always so 'just right there' and this one's begging for it I reckon.
A cheeky thanks in advance my diamond friend!
Sol -
And what about you James? You're invited too
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... and what about YOU!
What you do to me.
X
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