There are stains that we accrue
that just will not wash away.
It matters not how hard we scrub
or how long we kneel and pray.
Ever since the time of Pilate
and his washing of the hands,
we each share in the guilt
in the ruining of our lands.
We ignore others pain,
we blindly turn away,
leaving behind a debt we owe
and we will have to pay.
We sprang from a single source,
a universal seed,
so when we hurt another
we’re the ones that bleed.
It is only by the love
of spirits yet unseen,
extending us their mercy
that we are finally clean.
Author notes
Prompt: Oh God! Now there is no other soap except you to make me wash...Unknown
Picture Credit: http://shonza.deviantart.com/art/Little-hands-35945945
20 lines
A contest entry
- soap... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended August 6, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Beautiful !!
Such truth & wisdom in your words.
Brilliant take on the prompt.
Well done.
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I like the thought and the view that is indeed very original and coming from the heart itself..well done..my friend..
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What a great take on the prompt! So true.
Well done, best of luck in the contest.
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Beautiful words here and so true. A thought provoking poem for sure.
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True Message
I find only one exception to this otherwise wonderful poem to our gracious Father and His Christ: the meter is very irratic thus weaking the rhythm and power of such great words. You might want to review this line by line for syllable count: I noted that your intent is to alternate line length, so I suggest perhaps a meter of 9/6/9/6 or vice versa; albeit, the first stanza is 7/5/7/5, which can work just as well.
You might also want to review for redundancy in the use of a single word more than once in a stanza: depending on the word, it can give a machine gun effect to sound or cause an awkward break in rhythm. When you find unnecessary redundancy, simply find another word for one of them that will work just as well.
Nevertheless, I really like this beautiful, heartfelt piece: by same you already are a winner in our Father's eyes.
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
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Thank you for a thoughtful comment... don't get many of those
... Yes, I rushed this and will refine it... tough to sneak time in at work 
Ken -
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I know the feeling. I wrote my entry on the fly and had to come back to make a few adjustments: not many since it is an Haiku. I do love your poem.
BonnieQ
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