Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Two roads

For countless days I've walked
This road on my own
With not one other road around

Then one day as if from the sky
Another road appeared beside
And on it you were walking

So on our separate paths
we walked side by side
Sharing good times and bad until

Today our roads merge
And we'll walk on together
But no longer as just friends

Our friendship shall remain
and we'll continue as lovers
Our roads once separate shall be
...The same

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Eternal Cascade
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yes the imagery in this piece is fabulous and so fitting indeed i love what you have created here and i also like the part about the roads appearing side by side!

    i commented earlier on another piece i also loved explaining i was unsure when staring this contest what style of write i was looking for but since judging and imagining every piece read aloud in church i realised as this will be read by a friend and not by myself or my husband (2 i feel like i should have a piece that is not written from the bride or groom but an individual!!

    A beautiful job tho thankyou so much!!

    love,
    JJ x


  • Symphony
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey there,

    I liked the ideas that you contained within this poem; some of them very nostalgic / pretty indeed, with myself especially liking,

    "Then one day as if from the sky
    Another road appeared beside
    And on it you were walking"

    That was just - perfect I think, because don't they say you often can't see the person you love until they're standing right before you - and this would relate to that saying perfectly.

    However, then I would have a few suggestions also if I may;

    "For a while I've walked" - 'a while' sounds, I'm not sure - a bit plain maybe? For a while, to me, would suggest maybe a few days - but as they're getting married, it was quite possibly longer than that, so I would think perhaps something like "for many days I've walked" or "for many years I've walked" or "For countless minutes I've walked" etc you get the idea.

    And then the only other one that struck me was, "and we'll continue as lovers" because they're going to be so much more than lovers - husband & wife, family, etc etc.

    Nice job though - and best of luck in the contest


    • DreamerOfTheStars
      August 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your suggestions I shall take them into consideration as I still have a few days until the contest closes...
      always~Steph


  • movedon
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely iamges! That's very true, that once you wed, you join together your lives and become one...of start walking on the same path. Great work there.

    Warmest,
    Mylee


  • Eternal Cascade
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow!!

    thankyou for entering i will be back at the end of the contest to comment!!

    good luck,

    JayJay


  • lemmeXdie
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    I LUV THIS. noce job.


  • ImmortalTreason
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    holy fuitcake good imagry

1 - 8 of 8