this thin line sways
between you and the half of me
this thin line sways
fragile chord dangled in a haze
where we balance unsafely
with trust or fear we still can see
this thin line sways
Author notes
playing a bit with a form, rhymes, syllables and ideas
In a list
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I've no idea what kind of form this could be - heck, I wouldn't even be able to come up with if I'd win the Euromillions with it
(how I wish I'd win them one day - lol, though I guess I should fill in a little form to actually be able and get something out of it 
)
Anyway - I noticed the line that comes back - but there are like eleventy billion forms out there who have this feature
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It's a Rondelet, as you know I like playing with form; sometimes the poems come formless though
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No smugness here,
anticipation
of bravado, perhaps.
Emotion captured
in its fragile state.
Straight-forward
or ambiguous,
meaning flits...
or sways.
A look into the Mari-mind.
Aesthete
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I miss one day and old lady Goes posts three items!
Line two is the first thing that gets my attention, "half of me." Combining that with the title, it's intriguing.
Another poem about the ephemeral, tenuous nature of relationships...where some measure of trust, belief and probably convention conspire to keep these tightrope walkers swaying unsafely.
Don't laugh but this reminds me of a Bonko the clown situation...I could use this as the basis of a story for my poor hapless clown.
Hugh's "haiku" beats a dead horse, lol.
4/8/4/8/7/8/4 If that was intentional, did you mean for the seven syllable to be 8?
It is a tampered tanka (stole it from Hugh) with an inverted twist (the last 8/4 inverts the first 4/8...nevermind, lol) see, it's a new form.
You are a talented critter. This is a tad different for you, I like it, there are things going on in between the lines.
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Where did you get the idea this is a tanka?
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I didn't say it was a tanka... I said it was a "tampered tanka with a twist." Blame Hugh, he said it first!
I saw later that it was a Rondolet but was too lazy to fix my comment. Now I have to go see what the requirements of a rondolet are. If you were a basketball fan I would make a joke about the Boston Celtics' Rajon Rondo here but since you aren't I wont.
I still deserve applause, I work hard on comments....waiting....
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Dear Gaze,
el padre cannot
be a happy chappy till
you rejoin his group
A 5/7/5 haiku lament! (I can write much longer ones!)
Applause for your tampered tanka and longing, love and hugs, XXX el padre.
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Rondelet dad!! You gave me the title of Queen of haiku & tanka, should know I don't mess with any of the two forms.
Would you host a haiku pr tanka contest if I return to the group? ja ja ja ja
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Dear Aziram,
YOU BETCHA I WOULD!! You've gotta DEAL!!
You know el padre would do ANYTHING for you!! (I LOVE bribery, blackmail and, especially corruption!)
Oh WOW!! I'm SO excitipated and so are Heathcote and Hubertus Hyde!!
Here is the link for you to join;
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Hugh%20Wyles%20favourites?stay=1
I look forward to receiving and approving your request.
But hey!! Mariza is my Haiku Queen isn't she? You are my haiku, erotiku, hakatanka Princess AZIRAM.
Love and big squeezy hugs XOXOXO
El Padre.
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There's a quality in this writing. It dangles your intellect on delicate silk ribbon, flowing, to trail enchanting patterns that 'tease' this reader. ---- Thank you.
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you have managed to put some meaning into this small form, wonderful imagery too...fragile chord...like life itself and all the things we hold dear; balance ourselves on a swaying line.. a wonderful short form; very expressive and thoughtful...h
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"fragile chord dangled in a haze
where we balance unsafely
with trust or fear we still can see"
This is an uneasy tone...a powerful voice, it speaks to me of fears we may have in developing a relationship..esp. 'balance unsafely'.
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