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"Dark Laughter"

Afraid of the unforseen, we yern to

be free;unable to move,unbound by the

chains of our dreams.

The darkness moves in and we

wonder if this is where we'll die?

Our dreams are on a stage, set like

a play,everything was on que;

for we all tremble in the darkness.

Alone in the dark, we are forever trapped,

we hold deep inside our

"Dark Laughter."

 

Author notes

this is the second try. please be honest.

A contest entry

Please only your True Thoughts Allowed!!!!

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Comments


  • I-Am-Custard
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is nicer than your last attempt. More concise, the words matter here.
    Que should be spelt 'cue' in this, and yern should be 'yearn'.
    Also, there's no need to put dark laughter in speech marks, it's the title of the poem so to the reader it already has plenty of impact, especially since it's got a line of it's own.
    Thank you for entering.


  • Knightbooboo
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    truely great

    hope that doesn't sound cheesy; it really is a joy to read; awesome.


  • Commodore Rouge
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A second try? This was great! I like the word choice, and I thought the overall flow was great! One thing though: "Yearn" is the correct spelling of "yern", unless you're in the UK or something and they spell it differently, then I wouldn't know, lol. I can't find anything else wrong with this! Best of luck to you in the contest!