Vomit

Bitter    Broken    Promise
  its been a whole year
  and ive plotted my way into disaster
    ive tasted The Extremity.

Ive gave up holding onto Quiescence
  im gone to myself already
and void of spiritual essence

  I dream of death and worse
theres no relent
            and life for naught
        if death is our course

I keep myself High
I hold myself mighty
  with my small decisions
    and all that freedom gives me

          I remember you through the pain ///
  but i write it down for good measure
    youve been all of life to me
    every bit of being stretched to the limit
      and all i want of pleasure

  If im quiet now
  if then i rage at walls
    it's just how this lovesong is sung
    with all the many ways it calls

        I could shut myself in a box
but not sing any way but my own
  tho theres no room to apologize
  for how all this has gone
    for all the harm ive done

    There was a girl
    who wrote about lockets
    and i felt so much love

Now theres been many girls
but no its been nothing good
i try, i want to feel that love
  and i cant say those 3 little words
    without guilt and remorse
      and bitter
              banished
                    memories
          Im slipping in and out of form
im fixated.  This summer is me seeing me
terrible and normal-
                    we call upon
        then hide from the storm.

Some voice must speak for arrogance
  for if peace is not boastful
  and devotion is never fake
if modesty is beauty
              then you need someone ugly like me
              -a blade that turns on the wielder-
                to hurt you first and just a little
                  so when that moment comes
                        youre already awake.

A girl let me know i should wish on eleven-eleven
  life has taught me more than wisdom
      now this is more than experience
Ive loved. Ive tasted dreams of heaven.

Dad never said anything,
                  but 'say sorry'
                Say...
                    Is there really anything behind this face,
                    are attitude and a bad track record the makeup of first place?
                Ive got doubts but
                              could you clarify this massacre
                            we do our best, but call it wrong
                          soul wants a battlefield
                            heart cries to pantomime
                              feet beat to the need and heat
                                and voice tries to sing along
        My hands
          and all the independent parts of me
            are wrapped up by the air
              ever taken, ever giving
                    Is it choice or character to yield?
How is the music made?
                Where is the Light concealed?
           
                  I gave a girl my blue book that's my life.
                  I gave a girl my bloody box that held my secrets.
                  I gave my best friend my virginity.
                 
            Ive grown into nothing.
            ive learned to love and hate
                                everything i see
                      Tell me
                          where could i go and not loose you
                        what could i do to feel good
                                                  but stay true
            Ive been running or hiding
                                  or faking it
                                    or forgetting to remember
                                      who i am
                                          and
                    I guess it tastes nice
                    to live like today is all ive got
                    and to hell with this price
                    the dead and me have spent years waiting.

Theres a testament of sin
                carved and etched
                      on my body.
                            There is lives and families
                              that end
                              never to begin.
                              The water is polluted
                              if its nourishment you seek
                            look elsewhere. let us be in agony
                            There is a taint to the land
                          our people are burdened down by toil
                          the broken-backed starving desperate
                        have elected to keep living for shit
                        with everyone's mind gone to where they rest
                      Yearn for a curse has burned through human flesh
                      take the best, eat the firsts, thirst and watch
                    & Have your fill.
      Vampires and demons
                  or
          gas and drugs and fast food
                or
              online relationships and people like me.

          God  is  witness to the dead that walk around
        guilt is faithless && You can make me understand so much
                                              without sound.
                    Do birds sing to you when you walk in the mountains alone,
    do vipers sleep in your bed at night?
        Is there aught to miss of a shadow, a shade of gray?
But darling, baby, dearest- Sleep alright.
                             
                                There was a girl who called love cookies
i could never realize how lucky i am
cause i have some of her life and soul
  and misery or apathy have their strong grips on me
    but names pull me, the past supports me, and grace equips me.
      If im to be a wraith and haunt the hollowed grounds with blasphemy
        If im to be torn by the devine, the suffering and sublime                                                        × and the way our fingers intertwine ×
          then lead me in gently to your altar of sacrifice
            give me all your glory and a reason to never think twice
            purge the pessimism and correctly labeled ticks and traits
              remember a cynic and a damn good liar, but i ate the blue pill, i tried
                                and i sang in the choir
                Set stock in cash crops, things like hipocracy
                Trust no man, but your brother's mother's husband
                  and current political party.

                  There was a girl i grew up with in church
                    we went on mission trips together
                    she played piano and sang her song for me
                   
                      There was a girl who's mom beat her up for talking to me
                      she was the very best valentine.
                       
                        Victims and anarchy and we need sunshine but its raining
                        we spoke with the manager and he wasnt very understanding
                          we explained it wasnt a judgment call on his poor planning
                          just that ¯this is an emergancy¯ i dont see us making it
                            but a safe bet, or sure winner, would be too demanding 
                           
                                        There was a girl in texas
                                          we met in a poetry chatroom
                                          we taught eachother with our lust
                                            we cut eachother with our pride
                                            we'll never meet, but know still
                                              things are just so sweet
                                              cause there was an us
                                              nights when youth died
 

                                im almost spent but i love life, living
                                tho the weight of responsibility is enormous
                                those girls, those times, were just gorgeous