you gave me back to myself
till i had chalk-white cheeks
& half-thought how
our first time would be
in a whirlpool of im-fines
hoping to god that
you could still reach nirvana
without missing someone else
Author notes
July 23, 2008
I wonder if I should hate myself for writing something like this.
A contest entry
- Give it to me! by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended August 1, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques more than welcome.
Comments
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awesome
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I don't see how you should hate yourself because of this; I think it's something we have all thought about at some moment in time and it struck a chord with me. The title is extremely fitting and the underlying message can be applied to more than one situation - the feeling of being clumsy or foolish and always wondering if that will hinder you in some way and perhaps make you feel second best or not enough. I've been there many times, and you make it so poetic. My one critique (just for the sake of it!) is the use of "chalk-white" - it's slightly cliched. Other than that, I think this is fabulous poetry
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