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My Smile Is As Sick As Your Bad Intentions

ugly joker

 

From my grin
Of gloom and despair

Guess who’s bringing
Hell into here

Trim the fat from life’s decay
Ignoring this dying pedestrian

Walk amongst angels and demons
Let the latter bring down a wrath unfathomable

Speak in silence
And scream so no one can hear you
 

Author notes

Pic Credit: http://freddychick.deviantart.com/art/Ugly-Joker-92501702

"SUICIDE MISSION"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has potential... It really does. The idea is a great one, though I do believe that it would benefit from showing rather than telling.

    "Wrath unfathomable"... Great point, but I admit, it was a little hard on the tongue. I liked the third stanza, though... That was, to me, what the rest of the poem should be more like. Thanks for not rotting my brain, and thanks for entering.


  • The.Tango.Emily
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this! Great write. The only thing is that line 6 seemed a bit akward but that's just me.


  • sense surreal
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is cunning as it is dark

    and deep too

    Walk amongst angels and demons
    Let the latter bring down a wrath unfathomable

    this is the part i love
    and the image it gives



  • FindingMeInJesus
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Deep.. and Kinda creepy.... But great


  • sailor ptolema
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Chances are, you can't win
    I have intentions that are as sick as sin.">>this suffers from pedestrian rhyme.

    I agree with hiraeth, you need to use a lot more poetic devices, because as is, it's rather bland. You are "telling' too much. You don't give the reader anything to think about beyond the words. I don't really have much to add, except to say I'd follow hiraeth's advice.

    -thanks for entering

    -sailor ptolema


  • aeolia
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, I'm bored. Instead of simply saying you're tragic and just another pretty face, perhaps you might wish to show us how and why via poetic devices. Using concrete images and metaphors is more effective than stating abstract terms like "love" or "pain," which could mean so many different things and aren't personal or all that effective in conveying the things only YOU can convey.

    -hiraeth


  • Rheea gold member
    July 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Golly dang gee whizzzzzzzzzzz


  • stylization
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOAH!
    Gorgeous. I love the way you set this up! Nice rhyme, and the ending clinched it together perfectly.


  • Nothing But No
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this, dark as it is. The rhyme worked well for the message and it portrayed the picture well. Thank you for sharing, my friend.


  • Mistress Masquerade
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Scary picture.. Haunting poem.. made me think of the Joker, then of clowns.. Then of hiding. Great write.

    "Chances are, you can't win

    I have intentions that are as sick as sin."

    -Afraid of Clowns


  • movedon
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I'm not just another pretty face"

    Wow....*turns lights on and locks doors* This is eerie...scary...haunting...ah! Great work!

    Warmest,
    Mylee


  • mysticstorm gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely write for this picture...dark and haunting, with lovely word choice and flow...very unique and well done...
    You are a well rounded writer...
    Best,
    mystic


  • Killian Nightwind
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a dark and haunting piece, lovely words and presentation brother. Simply a delightful read. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.


  • AlanaNicole
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow that was amazing. In a creepy dark kind of way. I loved it!


  • 2lullabyhaven
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful piece and powerfully delivered lol and good luck in the contest lol


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The darkness oozes from this page, this is quite a haunting poem. The display of the poetry just adds to the effect. Wonderful.

1 - 19 of 19