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to Hold

Missing image

i am a sad and lone.

i need a man to hold me
tight in his arm.
with a shoulder that i
can cry on when times get
hard and tight.

i need a man to make me feel more
of a woman, than the way i feel.
shamed of what i am and what i have
did in the past with my life that
i lived as a lie.

i need a man to hold me down
and show me true love that i need
and the support that he can
create.

i need love to undo my shame as
a woman. that have sex with otheir men's
between the bed's and the sheets.


why i am the way i am?
i am lonen, because i needed to be  loved
as woman than someone off the streets.

A contest entry

what woman with out someone to hold

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Comments


  • paulcreates silver member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. You do have a few errors in grammar and spelling but there is plenty of time before the contest is judged to make edits.
    Paul


    • blackfang4318 gold member
      July 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      can you help me with the grammar cause i write the i talk


      • paulcreates silver member
        July 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Ok

        First lets start with all the places where you've written "i" all of those should be capitalized - "I" is always capitalized.
        Do this much and let me know when you are finished - I will come back to show you more.

        Paul


  • Bosiarbooger gold member
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    A good job

    I never do this but it's such a good poem "I need a man make me more" could have a to in it to make it flow better and "setts" spelling is the blood of our writing their quite picky about it around here. But I did like the poem very much (sorry) Thank you, Boog