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itsy bitsy poem

floating effortlessly in air
hovering in silence
swayed in breezes fair
still
listening for vibration
feelings
the chord is struck
elation!
an instant of fear,
what lies ahead?
around the bend it struggles
the trap has been sprung
vibrations shatter the silence
flung in motion i surround it
wrap it alive
one final strike
it no longer fights
left to dissolve
still i survive
i
a
m
t
h
e
i
t
s
y
b
i
t
s
y
----
spider
||||||||

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25
  • Great!

    What imagery & potent word choice. Perhaps not the greatest read before bed! Now I'm going to be having nightmares about being caught in a spider web! Oh no. I'm dissolving... Nice work Liz!

  • cindyloo
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked the imagery in this. It is ineresting and fun to read. Great job!


  • WolfHeart
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love Spider poems and this is delightful.
    "an instant of fear,
    what lies ahead?
    around the bend it struggles
    the trap has been sprung"
    I especially like this set of lines. Very nice work, Poet


  • james119
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for this fun entry. The mind's eye can watch as the story 'wraps up'.

    cheers


  • Puppydog gold member
    August 29, 2008

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    VERY CUTE!!!!!

    I like how you put this together, it makes this a truly fun and excellent read! 's


  • storiesuntold gold member
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Cute write here

    I loved this one and the way you ended it was perfect


  • kareneisenlord gold member
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed that. It captured the life of a spider so well, i thought. Loved the humor too! The beginning really drew me in;

    "floating effortlessly in air
    hovering in silence
    swayed in breezes fair
    still
    listening for vibration
    feelings
    the chord is struck
    elation!"


    Thanks for sharing, and congrats on the trophy!


  • Shrat
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Cool! This is really cute! I like youre idea, and you did a nice job making the spider out as the creature it really is. Nice one!


  • EvenStarsBreak--x
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *shiver* spiders creep me out as well! Excellent write, very well written. I enjoyed reading it. =] Thank you for the entry.

  • Hovels 2
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee poem.


  • Peripatetic gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Every spider is a predator, but do any think about it? Perhaps spiders are self aware, imagining the last moments of their prey even as they congratulate themselves on their excellence at what they do.


    • Darkwell
      July 24, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      um, does that mean you liked it?

      • Peripatetic gold member
        July 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well, I liked it when I read it, but then I'm not a fly. I'm more of a self-satisfied spinner of pretty lines to snare the fancy of passing readers.


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 23, 2008
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    interestingly good


  • Poetic Obscenity
    July 23, 2008

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    Haha

    I absolutley love it! It's an amazing piece for sure. I am loving the dirty pretty. Free verse dirty pretty makes me dance!
    =]


  • storiesuntold gold member
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This is great

    Put it in I found it quite good and enjoyed it very much and yes Im afraid of spiders myaself


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 23, 2008

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    ooooh...lovely stuff ! This has such a light hearted feel to it...such a difference! I like all the best in the contest, and thanks for sharing,

    Luck.

  • midnightblue1272
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmm......

    Very interesting take on the spider. A cross between an action film, a horror film, & a cartoon. Good one, young poet.


  • Raven Tears gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lol it's okay this entry is fine, I don't think it's really dirty pretty like, although there must be different outtakes for different people on what dirty pretty is, but anyway, well done as a lover of spiders I thought this was very good, thankyou so much for enetering it it was enjoyable to read, I'll have to catch you and keep you as a pet .
    Thankyou for entering and good luck!

1 - 25 of 25