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She Held Him Closely


he cut youth
like the bad end
of a razor
sharp
as the path he tread

 

 


haphazard highway;
he crossed two crimson lines
& passed
a veiny vessel

 

 

 

boiled,

road rage bolted-

two screeches halting

indesision's clatter

 

 

 

Mommy, Please Don't Let Me Go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Yes, Emo. I know. *Shrugs*

A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Devilish Temptation
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is unique! Never read a poem quite like this before.
    It's good with imagary thankx for entering the contest and good luck


  • vampireblood
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, I really liked it. I liked your choice of words. I like your ending line as well. Nice job. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
    <3 Vampy

  • the sepia vitamin
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    heeheehee. <3333
    emoness aside (or perhaps, included), this did made me laugh... but because you pulled this off, even though I threw you some cliché words to use so that I could laugh.

    *still makes sure you haven't bought anymore razors, hahaha*


  • Melodies
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, you poet YOU! Your poetry has a very edgy sound that is uniquely splendid and you bring out the worst in me because it drives me nuts thinking how I might try to write even a fraction as well as you do. lol

    Melodies


  • sailor ptolema
    July 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this sounds familiar.... Déjà vu ?


    • Age of Rain
      July 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah...I didn't have time to finish, though it is now. I think...*grins*

1 - 6 of 6