Twenty years of promised love
Through sickness and health
We wanted neither power
Nor the promises of wealth
I lie back on the futon
With interrupted dreams
Where you come back to my subconscious
Tearing repression at the seams
I lost you when you lost your life
Though it was only in the flesh
There are moments when the time I'm in
And time that was, may seem to mesh
The haunting dreams won't let me be
I'll always have your memory
A contest entry
- Interpretation of Image/ 15/20 by imahealer.
750 points, ended August 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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to have loved and lost, better? maybe...
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this was my favorite part "I lie back on the futon With interrupted dreams Where you come back to my subconscious Tearing repression at the seams" this was a good poem
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First two stanzas were exceptional. Nice assonance and metered well with unforced end line rhyme. I was a bit disappointed at the last two stanzas. "I lost you when you lost your life" --- I might have tried to find another word for "lost" as it is too repetitious. After the word "was" I would have added a comma, as that is a run-on sentence. I got very confused while reading it. Last two lines are excellent. They sum up your feelings. Thank you for your entry and best wishes.
Linda
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so sad, i wish you'd labeled it, now im sad again
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